Dont worry about me, if you didn't before dont start now. I'll be fine as always. I'll get over it. Just another domino to stuff away into my bottomless hat of evergrowing *thoughts* that i hate thinking.

(cw: sui*ide mention) digging the pit more. Ive had to remove any and all medication from my room cause there's nights i think about just downing the whole damn bottle but it feels selfish to find some easy way out. Idfk anymore and i honestly can't be assed to figure it out.

Like i feel so damn alienated from my friends, groups that share my interests, and just anywhere else and yet i dont fucking learn !! i dont learn to stop trying !!! i keep trying !!! this i the lowest ive been mentally in my life, and any attempt to do something about it always winds up

Literal negative effect on my psyche, and that's of no consequence to those involved or the one running the meet everyone there is super lovely but damn does it hurt feeling like even more of a nobody. Oh fucking well i guess

just another thing to add to the bucket of "things that cement me thinking im so severely alienated from every group im in"

Dont get me wrong ive also had times where the first thought i have is "omg i have to get something from x" but its usually cause i really enjoy their style and i wanna support them, but i generally always see others say it in a "i want to comm them because its a popular style" way and it irks me

*nap early in the day asd;vlansdl;va

a sfw and an AD, and its cause i know i would prefer to keep being in their spaces on social media, while not making them forced to occasional see the HORRORS that i conjure up on my timeline