I love this because I already want to root for the MC just from this pitch!

This sounds lovely!

sorry this is late! got busy on my end.

Ah, I see what you mean. I think that even with them meeting later, if they are the MCs, then that’s what I think you should also use as a pitch. Especially because they are the MCs. And glad I could help in some way. Good luck to you!🥰

The other stuff, such as Alex’s brother—unless he plays a significant role that he must be mentioned—can help you get across who Alex is as a human-fused-monster and who Sofia is as a psychic monster lover.

I hope this helps. really intriguing story you have!😊

Okay, so I read your other pitches, and I think it’s great you’re trying to come from do angLes, but they lose a bit of connection and cohesion.

First, is Alex Sofia’s partner? If so, maybe mention him. Second, is Sofia the girl Alex dreams of? If so, maybe mention her.

I think removing some of

Losing each other, so that Alex as the MC still has the focus on him.

“Or Alex and his brother will lose the only family each other has.“

It may help to create a stronger connection with your characters and your pitch jump out even more.😊

Hi there! Mod here.😊 really love this pitch, but I think you can focus it just a bit more in that last line. Instead of Alex’s brother, maybe keep the focus on Alex. first, maybe say how he has to evade the hunter. I’m assuming he can only do this for so long. Second, focus on Alex and his brother

You’re welcome! Happy to help.😊

DVpit mod here. Great pitch! Just one little note: I would hyphenate “spotlight hungry,” so your pitch reads a bit more smoothly.