I am not well. Anything makes me go into this mode. I'm kinda glad no one looks at this though.

Drawing mindlessly trying to distract myself from the delicious looking hydrocodone pills in my cabinet

Feel like dying today. Not sure what to do.

pastebin.com/7pV1QZXf

Currently sitting at my desk stuffing Zyns into my mouth and chugging Monster. This cannot be good for me.

It's an interesting feeling when you find the person of your dreams. Smart, witty, funny, beautiful. It's an idea that doesn't feel real. Someone you feel you've waited your entire life for. That realization only comes once in a long while.

My father told me many things. Things I should've never heard from a parent. Things such as calling me a worthless loser when things never went his way. He said I'd never amount to anything. I'd never suffice. It stuck with me. I feel alone.

My father once told me I could do anything I wanted in life. Years later when I graduated high school, he said what I wanted to do wasn't enough. "It wouldn't make you any money" he said. I'll never forget how much that hurt me.

Not really feeling suicidal, but feeling depressed and lonely nonetheless. I have friends, but it never feels like enough. The second we're done talking for the day, it all goes down. I sit here in my bottomless pit falling for eternity. At least that's what it feels like.

It shouldn't bother me, but it does.

Currently yearning for a deep connection with someone. Doesn't even have to be romantic. I just want someone to bond and share experiences with.

I have nothing to do right now but just think. Usually bored thinking leads me to dark places. I wish it didn't, but that's kind of what led me here. I just wanted a place where I could ramble to a brick wall.

It's hard finding people that actually understand what I'm saying most of the time. Everyone is so caught up on surface level garbage that it feels no one is educated enough or really thinks on things hard enough. Not saying there aren't any like that out there. I have met some.

I'm not sure whether anything will actually happen with this account. I never really posted on Twitter or anything, but maybe I can get some use out of this.

Feeling agnostic today. Not sure whether there is, in fact, a god or not. Sometimes I feel I can't say I'm an Atheist, because simply claiming "There is NO GOD" is almost just as bad is saying "yes there is a god and mine is better." Just something to think about.

hello blueskiers