Happy new me I guess. I think I found my new name, that I want to see in my papers. I think you would congratulate me, If anyone read me posts, but whatever. I'm happy for today.

Очередная истерика на ровном месте, очередная попытка справиться с ней, фотография хоть сколько-нибудь привлекательную часть тела. Зачем я жива...

Hello. I've finally managed to competely tidy up my apartment, feeling a bit better about my existence. Also, trying to make asmr, male voice for now, not ready to use fem one yet.

I love making music, but I suck at it. So, let's pretend we're sitting at a campfire and having a rest.

Damn, having a meltdown at midhight hits different. It's not like those feelings disappeared(although I wish they did), they're always here. But now they're not as intense, which is good, I guess.

Look at it. Look at this pathetic excuse of a human being. Why does it have a right to exist? Why does it think it deserves anything in its life? An artist, a scientist, a businessman could've had its place, yet this thing is here, being absolutely useless, having a bouquet of mental illnesses.

It's so strange. I would've been dead If i was born even a decade earlier. But here I am, roaming this earth, contributing to pollution and stuff. I just think world would be better without me, and I would be better if I never existed. Idk, I don't really want to die, yet I wish to never exist.

Another very unproductive day. Dysphoria and anxiety pretty much just paralised me for the entirety of the day. I mean, It hurts physically being able to do stuff, desiering to do stuff, yet being unable to do it. It's like I'm disabled, but I'm not. It's so fucked up. Why am I like this? Idk.

Woke up very energetic and thought I could do complete clean up of my appartment, but my energy disappeard after decluttering. Well, at least there is no more rubbish laying around the floor. Took another picture today, I think they look nice even without any fabric covering them. Quite unexpected.

Another thigh shot to wrap up the day I guess

Have a look at this fine specimen

Welp, I guess why not, no one is following. Lost quite an amount of weight in last two months after some crucial realisations about myself. Now I can look in a mirror and not puke, yet the long ahh road is still ahead. Still very self-concious, but I think my thighs are nice now.