Does he still have the heart I made him in his wallet? He kept it there even when we were broken up. .I hate this. Truly. I wish things were different between him and I. He hasn't said much to me since the move which is fine I guess. He left things that I said he could keep. No mention of them yet

I found a love letter I wrote for him back in 2019. It hurt re-reading it. I don't remember if I gave it to him or not. It was before we moved in together.
I made him a playlist that had a cute message back in 2018,the heart I needle felted,even the water colors when I first got the kit from him

I'm awake thinking about that and I have to tell myself that he had like 3 years to change one thing which was his communication skills. He just had to talk to me. About fucking anything at that point just something and yet he couldn't do it for, "the best thing to happen to him."

I find myself laying awake in bed thinking about how much I miss him. How much I'm actually still grieving that relationship because I truly loved him. I wanted to be loved all the same. I wanted to marry him.

"It's a mess bc I cooked for the house." No. . you cooked even larger quantities for YOURSELF before you moved out without making a mess than you did for the house. You are capable of being clean, you just choose not to be.

My current bf tells me my Ex failed me. He had moved in a year and half ago and I had someone else in the house who shared the same grievances as me. I wasn't alone in this, I didn't feel crazy anymore after knowing the issues I had were shared

I know he was probably trying to keep me happy by not telling me certain things but it literally did the opposite.

Like so many times you'd think he'd believe me. We could have worked on him following through on promises but the communication? I just needed it to be better. Even after everything was said and done and he was moving out he STILL failed to communicate anything properly

Why did it take him seeing me pulling a knife to my wrists to believe that his treatment and behavior drove me to suicidal thoughts and ideology? No it wasn't a, "if we break up im offing myself" It was, "I love you so much it hurts me to be treated the way you do."
I told him where my head was

This turned me into a monster. I did things I'm not proud of and a lot of things I don't even remember doing because I was just dissociating that deeply.

He kind of broke me. I was, "the best thing to happen" to him and he treated me the way he did. I was loved and there were good times. .but the times that his behavior mattered most he failed to show me he loved me as much as he claimed

It was like that every time in the beginning, then it kind of got better. Then we just stopped talking all together whether it was bc I asked for space or because he did.

I tried my best, then everything got even nastier. Because of him insisting on not talking to me, he just started to hold onto things I did that he didn't like/that hurt him. Whenever I would try to communicate, he'd turn a conversation into an argument and bring these resentments up.

"what do you want from me." Communication and for you to follow through.
"What do you want from me?" I told you already. I need you to communicate with me. Don't blame me for stopping trying to ask you what's going on in your head when you were the one who shut me out in the first place

My best friend told me that he's a product of his environment. He should have known better after he expressed his hate for his mom but still became a bit of a narcissist like her.

His parents did a shit job too. His mom's a narcissist hoarder. His dad is a business owner. He lived in a shit hole. I never stepped foot in that house bc he never wanted me to see the mess

How much as In how much of the bills he gave himself the responsibility of. He never negotiated it in the future. Was he obsessed with being the type of provider his father was? I don't know anymore.

I never questioned him where my part of the money was going. Never. I just trusted him with it and yeah the bills were paid but now that I'm living without him I'm looking at what was going out and what was coming in and realized just how much he decided to put onto himself