I should take some more ass pics/vids for y'all soon, especially since I've been really been beating my meat to oblivion to fat asses having things done to them. But first I'm going to need my guts to stop being in major mutiny and having me completely laid out today.

The desire to just irresponsibly flee instead of being responsible and continuing to sit in patience is strong. But I don't know that there's anywhere to flee too, or that it would be anything but a total disaster.

I wish i had security in myself. I wish I had the material security to really have the opportunity to pursue that. Not saying I'd take that opportunity necessarily, I know how my brain is. But I've been defined my circumstances in barely surmountable ways for so long.

I think there's just something alienating about me because of my depression, because of the things I've neglected to invest in myself, because of my clear, obvious neediness and thirst and loneliness and sadness and negative edge.

I'm really ready to move on from where I'm at on so many levels and yet I'm just stuck. And I spend so much mental energy trying to cope with that reality that I don't have much left to do the digging in on the long term self care work I know I need to do.

I'm lucky that there are people who contradict that narrative in my life, but it's not enough to build a sense of security and belonging around.

It's also like, I know the risks when I'm scrolling looking at hot country guys, bubbas, beardy bluecollar types. Every so often you get that confederate flag jump scare or whatever. But extra unnerving when it's someone who just seems like a sweet gentle bear type for a few posts and then, bleeeeh.

And, it appears, after some further scrolling of the timeline, conservative M*GA/borderline n*zi bullshit.

Not something I have happen here much at all, at least. Just the big shitty M*GA bear(s) everyone knows about already. Not saying they're not here but y'know.

I would also like to partake of the secret knowledge.

I had to look up this reference.

Ah gotcha. I do suppose harness gays are more popular than grunge gays in these trying times.

What was the previous one?

I have a mighty need to obey.

WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN TURNED BY A MORE ENERGETIC CREATURE

You might as well just say you're alive.

Thought about doing one of these every day for the rest of the month but nah.