@proverbsjones.bsky.social
Flex on your kids by writing the Wi-Fi password in cursive.
May 2, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Flex on your kids by writing the Wi-Fi password in cursive.
Where can I get one of those families that say, "here take 2 million and stay away from my daughter."
May 1, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Where can I get one of those families that say, "here take 2 million and stay away from my daughter."
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made laser noises.
April 30, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made laser noises.
My toxic trait is I assume people have common sense and I get mad when they don't.
April 23, 2025 at 9:33 AM
My toxic trait is I assume people have common sense and I get mad when they don't.
If a taco can fall apart and still be amazing, so can you.
April 16, 2025 at 10:20 AM
If a taco can fall apart and still be amazing, so can you.
“Have a nice day” is polite.
“Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds like you just set a trap and walked away smiling.
“Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds like you just set a trap and walked away smiling.
April 7, 2025 at 3:14 PM
“Have a nice day” is polite.
“Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds like you just set a trap and walked away smiling.
“Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds like you just set a trap and walked away smiling.
I'm not saying that my wife orders a lot from Amazon, I'm just saying that if I got a job as a UPS driver they'd probably let me work from home.
April 7, 2025 at 7:57 AM
I'm not saying that my wife orders a lot from Amazon, I'm just saying that if I got a job as a UPS driver they'd probably let me work from home.
Stop. Drop and Roll was always such a big deal as a kid... I really thought I'd be on fire more than this as an adult.
April 5, 2025 at 11:19 AM
Stop. Drop and Roll was always such a big deal as a kid... I really thought I'd be on fire more than this as an adult.
Been dating this girl for 7 months and today she asked me, why I don't have a girlfriend
April 3, 2025 at 6:50 AM
Been dating this girl for 7 months and today she asked me, why I don't have a girlfriend
I'm looking for someone to brush their teeth with me every morning. My dentist says brushing alone won't prevent cavities.
April 2, 2025 at 5:14 PM
I'm looking for someone to brush their teeth with me every morning. My dentist says brushing alone won't prevent cavities.
If you own a cleaning company and don't answer the phone "talk dirty to me". You're doing it all wrong.
April 2, 2025 at 2:13 PM
If you own a cleaning company and don't answer the phone "talk dirty to me". You're doing it all wrong.
Why do people overreact so much if their phone battery is low? Mine is at 1% at the moment and
April 2, 2025 at 10:37 AM
Why do people overreact so much if their phone battery is low? Mine is at 1% at the moment and
outside a blazing house]
Firefighter: ...
Me: ...
Firefighter: ...
Me: ... There was a spider.
Firefighter: ...
Me: ...
Firefighter: ...
Me: ... There was a spider.
April 2, 2025 at 10:30 AM
outside a blazing house]
Firefighter: ...
Me: ...
Firefighter: ...
Me: ... There was a spider.
Firefighter: ...
Me: ...
Firefighter: ...
Me: ... There was a spider.
Apparently hospitals are not the best place to start unplugging things so you can charge your iPhone.
April 2, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Apparently hospitals are not the best place to start unplugging things so you can charge your iPhone.
My parents just texted me to say they loved me and how proud they were of the man I become. I hate April Fools Day.
April 1, 2025 at 11:02 AM
My parents just texted me to say they loved me and how proud they were of the man I become. I hate April Fools Day.
My dog and cat keep forgetting it’s April’s Fools Day, and I’ve been pranking them all morning.
April 1, 2025 at 10:56 AM
My dog and cat keep forgetting it’s April’s Fools Day, and I’ve been pranking them all morning.
Eating coleslaw should hurt your credit score
March 31, 2025 at 8:29 AM
Eating coleslaw should hurt your credit score
Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.
March 31, 2025 at 8:27 AM
Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.
(first day at Amazon)
Me: *throws a single toothbrush into a tv-sized box*
Manger: wow, this guy is a natural
Me: *throws a single toothbrush into a tv-sized box*
Manger: wow, this guy is a natural
March 31, 2025 at 8:24 AM
(first day at Amazon)
Me: *throws a single toothbrush into a tv-sized box*
Manger: wow, this guy is a natural
Me: *throws a single toothbrush into a tv-sized box*
Manger: wow, this guy is a natural
You can just say you were a boy scout, nobody checks
March 29, 2025 at 11:22 AM
You can just say you were a boy scout, nobody checks
Life is too short to fold fitted sheets.
March 27, 2025 at 10:11 AM
Life is too short to fold fitted sheets.