my body is a machine that turns parents into disappointed parents

skeleton

when they try to leave me due to my motor oil addiction but the car wont start:

“yeah did i show you my new coal powered...”

- power plant
- train
- car
- toaster
- fire
- oven
- knife
- oil refinery

yall probably think im fucking hilarious (which I AM) but all my humor comes from this one file on my computer called “bit ideas.docx” which magically keeps growing with more and more funny things that i can draw upon on short notice whenever i need to be comical.

ngl i would have sold my left kidney by now if it hadn’t depreciated in value so much from being in my body

i could never be bulimic its so much harder to vomit on purpose than on accident

You thought the HAL 9000 was scary? well just wait until you see the HAL 9001, you aint seen shit yet.

my brain is actually full of anti-thoughts that perfectly cancel out any thought i might otherwise have

who up holdin they horses

i asked my friend what my first post here should be and they said to post "elon musk is bad, get my music" to get 1 million likes and shares. so yall better get on that i dont have all day.