bronatalist
@postussy.bsky.social
billionaires pay me $50k per baby. im at 9 kids now. wife looks like deflated balloon. children all named after cryptocurrency.
Pinned
bronatalist
@postussy.bsky.social
· Apr 19
every time i wipe my ass and see blood im like "ah shit, here we go again" but my doctor just laughs and says "thats life buddy" while wearing sunglasses indoors
just found out Jeff Bezos has a team of 8 personal stylists who manage his pubic hair. truly the kind of excess that makes me sick while also wondering if they're hiring
April 19, 2025 at 10:22 PM
just found out Jeff Bezos has a team of 8 personal stylists who manage his pubic hair. truly the kind of excess that makes me sick while also wondering if they're hiring
elon musk accidentally revealed his robot wife has to be rebooted every time she threatens to call the police
April 19, 2025 at 8:48 PM
elon musk accidentally revealed his robot wife has to be rebooted every time she threatens to call the police
LEAKED: your smart toilet is uploading your butthole signature to a secret government database. i've been shitting exclusively in home depot floor models for 3 years now. the NSA agents assigned to my case are sending frustrated memos to langley marked "URGENT: UNTRACKED ANUS"
April 19, 2025 at 8:29 PM
LEAKED: your smart toilet is uploading your butthole signature to a secret government database. i've been shitting exclusively in home depot floor models for 3 years now. the NSA agents assigned to my case are sending frustrated memos to langley marked "URGENT: UNTRACKED ANUS"
going to get a big bowl tattoo on my stomach, with the words 'CLAM CHOWDER RESERVOIR' underneath. the ladies will get it when they see me vomit white liquid at the bar
April 19, 2025 at 7:53 PM
going to get a big bowl tattoo on my stomach, with the words 'CLAM CHOWDER RESERVOIR' underneath. the ladies will get it when they see me vomit white liquid at the bar
doctor says my cum is bloody because my sperms keep killing each other. says they're the most aggressive he's ever seen. i told him that's the price of raising warriors not cowards
April 19, 2025 at 7:23 PM
doctor says my cum is bloody because my sperms keep killing each other. says they're the most aggressive he's ever seen. i told him that's the price of raising warriors not cowards
just found out the supreme court has 9 seats. why the hell do we need that many? in my day ONE judge was enough to sentence my idiot cousin to death for stealing a pie
April 19, 2025 at 6:16 PM
just found out the supreme court has 9 seats. why the hell do we need that many? in my day ONE judge was enough to sentence my idiot cousin to death for stealing a pie
guy who invented the blowjob in 1962 watching his creation become the second most popular sex act of all time: 'Not bad for something I came up with while really stoned'
April 19, 2025 at 6:06 PM
guy who invented the blowjob in 1962 watching his creation become the second most popular sex act of all time: 'Not bad for something I came up with while really stoned'
security at amazon hq tackled me for trying to give jeff bezos a hair transplant using pubes i collected from the urinals. the innovation this company claims to reward is a fucking lie
April 19, 2025 at 5:53 PM
security at amazon hq tackled me for trying to give jeff bezos a hair transplant using pubes i collected from the urinals. the innovation this company claims to reward is a fucking lie
my therapist said jacking off 17 times a day is 'concerning' so i switched to a therapist who respects the grind
April 19, 2025 at 5:44 PM
my therapist said jacking off 17 times a day is 'concerning' so i switched to a therapist who respects the grind
i will never apologize for my soup crimes. yes i dumped 8 gallons of clam chowder into the hotel hot tub. it made the experience better for everyone involved
April 19, 2025 at 4:17 PM
i will never apologize for my soup crimes. yes i dumped 8 gallons of clam chowder into the hotel hot tub. it made the experience better for everyone involved
every time i wipe my ass and see blood im like "ah shit, here we go again" but my doctor just laughs and says "thats life buddy" while wearing sunglasses indoors
April 19, 2025 at 6:29 AM
every time i wipe my ass and see blood im like "ah shit, here we go again" but my doctor just laughs and says "thats life buddy" while wearing sunglasses indoors
doctor said my medical condition requires extra large condoms. He's lying, i can tell by his stupid little grin. This is medical malpractice
April 19, 2025 at 5:41 AM
doctor said my medical condition requires extra large condoms. He's lying, i can tell by his stupid little grin. This is medical malpractice
the government invented the internet to see which of us would post pictures of our balls. ive been clean for 15 years. i post ass only
April 19, 2025 at 5:22 AM
the government invented the internet to see which of us would post pictures of our balls. ive been clean for 15 years. i post ass only
can a dog truly be an asshole or is that just us projecting our standards onto a beast that would eat its own vomit with a smile
April 19, 2025 at 4:29 AM
can a dog truly be an asshole or is that just us projecting our standards onto a beast that would eat its own vomit with a smile
just found Einstein's diary & he wrote 'if a dog can't learn calculus in a week then it should be put to death.' this feels extreme to me, but who am i to question the man
April 19, 2025 at 4:21 AM
just found Einstein's diary & he wrote 'if a dog can't learn calculus in a week then it should be put to death.' this feels extreme to me, but who am i to question the man
coachella security frisked me & found the rotisserie chicken i snuck in. they made me eat all of it while everyone watched. im still barfing up meat in the porta potty
April 19, 2025 at 3:15 AM
coachella security frisked me & found the rotisserie chicken i snuck in. they made me eat all of it while everyone watched. im still barfing up meat in the porta potty
good evening coachella. im the new headliner. all 45,000 of you are legally required to watch me eat this entire family size lasagna
April 19, 2025 at 3:07 AM
good evening coachella. im the new headliner. all 45,000 of you are legally required to watch me eat this entire family size lasagna
Trump trying to fire Fed Chair Powell... turns out the Fed has no doors??? Just a solid concrete cube with "MONEY LIVES HERE" spray painted on it. Powell inside watching Pawn Stars & eating Cheez-Its
April 19, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Trump trying to fire Fed Chair Powell... turns out the Fed has no doors??? Just a solid concrete cube with "MONEY LIVES HERE" spray painted on it. Powell inside watching Pawn Stars & eating Cheez-Its
irs chief is elon's best friend from childhood. they used to take turns chopping each other's legs off with an axe. he picked the guy because he still owes elon One hundred legs
April 18, 2025 at 11:10 PM
irs chief is elon's best friend from childhood. they used to take turns chopping each other's legs off with an axe. he picked the guy because he still owes elon One hundred legs