more like the beginning of the end of my life bc i dont know if i will survive this haha

safe to say i am handling the final scenario really well

also its really funny to me that at least once a week when i inevitably cannot fall asleep i end up thinking about how much i miss kim dokja and how i should finish orv and then i dont do that. lol

i keep putting it off because i keep wondering if im in the right space to handle information that could potentially hurt me aka the orv ending but i think the correct answer is that im never going to be ready and i should just bite the bullet

just fantastic vibes for 3 hours :) nothing to worry about at all :)

havent read nearly as much orv as i want to even tho i have more time bc im scared of whats going to happen when i finish it & also ive become used to the feeling of yearning to finish it which is Hilarious considering the ending to the age of innocence is one of my fav scenes ive watched this year

i just. get kinda sad if i think about secretive plotter for too long

also having another version of said character whose existence is characterized by such a profound loneliness that stretches over an incomprehensible amount of time having to watch himself by loved by a dude who will not stop putting himself in harms way for him sure is something!!!

something about a guy who loves one character so much he will sacrifice himself for said character and completely underestimates the effect his actions have on the people around him because he still views them as characters and also disregards his own importance as an individual is sooo fun and neat

link before i forget archiveofourown.org/works/25799887

"Not that he really has a proper birthday. He’s a thing, after all, not a child born from a mother—one day he was a lump of wood, the next he existed, and he only ever existed because he was needed for something. Not because he was ever truly wanted in this world." I just think abt this all the time

a few weeks ago it was bc I started thinking abt him and jiuge and rn it's bc I'm reading a fic and he just makes me so sad I love him so much

KIM DOKA WHEN I FUCKING GET (BACK TO) YOU

the fanart in question. i think of it all the time its not even funny

www.tumblr.com/hehearse/711...

i just feel so very sick and unwell thinking about how much harder it was to get kim dokja to live for them (i.e. the forced vacation) than it was for him to sacrifice himself at each chance he got

taking over a month long break from reading orv in order to simulate how kimcom feels every time that mfer dies not bc i have actual responsibilities that i am scrambling to finish

im happy u say that bc tfofs friday was one of the first things that came to mind when i first saw the gif 😭