Poon Doom
@poondoom.bsky.social
Mickey Mouse in a gas station bathroom, praying today’s Mystery Mousketool is toilet paper
December 27, 2025 at 8:55 PM
Mickey Mouse in a gas station bathroom, praying today’s Mystery Mousketool is toilet paper
Every time I fart, the Merlin app says it’s hearing a bird
December 15, 2025 at 10:29 AM
Every time I fart, the Merlin app says it’s hearing a bird
Grating Mr. Potato Head into latkes, despite the screams of protest from my children
December 7, 2025 at 4:15 PM
Grating Mr. Potato Head into latkes, despite the screams of protest from my children
Picked up a cold sore off Facebook Marketplace
November 29, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Picked up a cold sore off Facebook Marketplace
Waited 3.5 hours to watch HUNTR/X on the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, and they decide to go with “Love, Maybe?”
November 27, 2025 at 5:08 PM
Waited 3.5 hours to watch HUNTR/X on the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, and they decide to go with “Love, Maybe?”
My son just asked the most important Halloween question of all: do ghosts poop?
October 17, 2025 at 12:09 PM
My son just asked the most important Halloween question of all: do ghosts poop?
“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” - a Mormon, somewhere
October 17, 2025 at 11:00 AM
“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” - a Mormon, somewhere
My kid started saying “show me your bones” when asking someone to smile for a picture, and I think the phrase has lasting power beyond Halloween
October 8, 2025 at 11:47 AM
My kid started saying “show me your bones” when asking someone to smile for a picture, and I think the phrase has lasting power beyond Halloween
“It’s 8 am somewhere” he muttered to himself, cracking open a beer
July 2, 2025 at 3:22 PM
“It’s 8 am somewhere” he muttered to himself, cracking open a beer
Fee fi fo fum … I smell the blood of an English Muffin!
June 6, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Fee fi fo fum … I smell the blood of an English Muffin!
It’s been nearly 30 years since “How Bizarre “ came out and no one has bought the rights to that story, so I still don’t know what happens next
May 14, 2025 at 1:21 PM
It’s been nearly 30 years since “How Bizarre “ came out and no one has bought the rights to that story, so I still don’t know what happens next
The most frustrating thing about having only one set of silverware in the apartment is having to run the dishwasher three times a day
February 24, 2025 at 3:53 AM
The most frustrating thing about having only one set of silverware in the apartment is having to run the dishwasher three times a day
My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music, except the lyrics are just repeating “schnitzel with noodles” for five minutes
February 2, 2025 at 12:07 AM
My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music, except the lyrics are just repeating “schnitzel with noodles” for five minutes
“It’s time to take out the trash” - me, when it’s time to take out the trash
January 7, 2025 at 1:26 AM
“It’s time to take out the trash” - me, when it’s time to take out the trash
The best part of the Nutcracker is when the cloud balloon dramatically descends through the falling snow … intermission is moments away!
December 22, 2024 at 9:31 PM
The best part of the Nutcracker is when the cloud balloon dramatically descends through the falling snow … intermission is moments away!
“Honestly, I was expecting this potpourri to smell better,” I say to myself as I add more shit to my Vitamix
December 19, 2024 at 5:34 PM
“Honestly, I was expecting this potpourri to smell better,” I say to myself as I add more shit to my Vitamix
If you call me “sir” one more time, I’m gonna shoot you - Aaron Burr
December 15, 2024 at 12:52 PM
If you call me “sir” one more time, I’m gonna shoot you - Aaron Burr
When Parson Brown asks if you’re married, it’s not an offer to officiate. It’s a proposition.
December 8, 2024 at 1:09 AM
When Parson Brown asks if you’re married, it’s not an offer to officiate. It’s a proposition.
🎶 The long and winding toot 🎶
December 2, 2024 at 2:43 AM
🎶 The long and winding toot 🎶
No one likes to talk about this dirty secret but the coal industry is actively subsidized by the North Pole. We can’t seriously fight climate change until Santa commits to going green. #divestnow
November 22, 2024 at 1:37 PM
No one likes to talk about this dirty secret but the coal industry is actively subsidized by the North Pole. We can’t seriously fight climate change until Santa commits to going green. #divestnow
Every morning I wake up to 50 unread texts, frantically check to see if someone died, and then spend five minutes deleting 50 campaign donation texts
October 22, 2024 at 8:05 PM
Every morning I wake up to 50 unread texts, frantically check to see if someone died, and then spend five minutes deleting 50 campaign donation texts
All the “retired” Sesame Street characters (Guy Smiley, Harry Monster, etc.) were actually consumed by The Count, but public television is too afraid of the optics to admit this
October 17, 2024 at 11:18 AM
All the “retired” Sesame Street characters (Guy Smiley, Harry Monster, etc.) were actually consumed by The Count, but public television is too afraid of the optics to admit this
Ms. Elaina was right, Daniel Tiger’s egg salad did smell like shit
October 15, 2024 at 11:25 AM
Ms. Elaina was right, Daniel Tiger’s egg salad did smell like shit