Even as I drive to hospital, carrying my medical referal, to get help, its still hammering inside my head.

I remember the nurses from the health center I went to urge me to drive there as soon as possible and I grateful for that. I think if I wait for even one more day, I dont think I will be here

Everytime I ride my scooter I always think about it. Everyday I keep telling myself 'This time! I will do it! I will do it! Im not a coward! I dont care if Im going to hell for this!'. I keep telling myself this even when Im having a good mood

Then I come up with the idea where I ride my scooter in the rain then'slip' in front of a truck. I dont care about how my corpse will look like. The whole thing will look like an accident. My family would never know Im being suicidal this whole time. A perfect plan.

I had suspicion about me being bipolar years ago but everywhere I read, its always said bipolar ppl are in manic and depression state for months. So I dont see myself as one.

I still dont feel validated about my diagnosis bc mine sounds so different from others. Until you tell me about this varian

Thank you. These 6 months are the hardest months of my life but I will always grateful I choose to get help. I was so ready to end everything 6 months ago 🥲

Also wow I just learn about ultradian bipolar and the symptoms are so much identical with mine!

Damn 💔🥀

I hope everything get easier in your life 💕

Thank you silver 🥲