But now I'm here and I'm miserable and I still can't find any sort of passion for anything and I wonder what the point of any of it is.

I've literally never once in my life had that kind of drive. And maybe it's the mental illness and spending most of my childhood and teenage years convinced I'd be dead before I was an adult so caring about anything was a waste

It was also the first time I'd genuinely started to like how I looked too which was definitely a major turning point.
I miss gigs and the community and comradierie I felt at that time and the feeling of connection with people who I don't get to see as much if at all now bcus life got in the way

For the record it's not being 19 that I miss so much as the circumstances of my life at the time.
Like college sucked but I was getting to see my friends a lot, had friends who I no longer know that I genuinely love and miss, money was less of a stress and I was getting to go to gigs v. Regularly