Pine View Motel
@pineviewmotel.bsky.social
Your roadside rest stop for premium digital snark and highly questionable takes on the state of everything.
Follow for analysis so detached it needs a chaperone! (Not affiliated with any actual motel. Or reality.)
Follow for analysis so detached it needs a chaperone! (Not affiliated with any actual motel. Or reality.)
❄️ Day 6 of the Great Snow-pocalypse, and we've officially transitioned from "motel guests" to "motel residents." We've started rationing the complimentary coffee packets and teaching the front desk clerk how to play poker. Send snacks... or maybe just a snowplow. ☃️
#WinterSurvival
#MotelLife
#WinterSurvival
#MotelLife
December 4, 2025 at 1:16 AM
❄️ Day 6 of the Great Snow-pocalypse, and we've officially transitioned from "motel guests" to "motel residents." We've started rationing the complimentary coffee packets and teaching the front desk clerk how to play poker. Send snacks... or maybe just a snowplow. ☃️
#WinterSurvival
#MotelLife
#WinterSurvival
#MotelLife
Why brave the Black Friday madness when you can snag our "Sleep Through the Chaos" deal? 🛌 Stay here, save money, avoid that person who always yells over the last air fryer, and sleep off all that tryptophan from today's moist-maker sandwich! (Friends reference 😬)
#MotelLife
#NoCrowds
#MotelLife
#NoCrowds
November 28, 2025 at 9:36 PM
Why brave the Black Friday madness when you can snag our "Sleep Through the Chaos" deal? 🛌 Stay here, save money, avoid that person who always yells over the last air fryer, and sleep off all that tryptophan from today's moist-maker sandwich! (Friends reference 😬)
#MotelLife
#NoCrowds
#MotelLife
#NoCrowds
We regret to inform you that our attempt to deep fry a turkey on the pool deck has ended in a small, yet impressive, grease fire. Skip the kitchen chaos. Book a clean-ish room, order takeout, and let us handle the ventilation! 🦃🔥
#ThanksgivingFail
#MotelLife
#NoCookingRequired
#FireExtinguisher
#ThanksgivingFail
#MotelLife
#NoCookingRequired
#FireExtinguisher
November 25, 2025 at 10:27 PM
We regret to inform you that our attempt to deep fry a turkey on the pool deck has ended in a small, yet impressive, grease fire. Skip the kitchen chaos. Book a clean-ish room, order takeout, and let us handle the ventilation! 🦃🔥
#ThanksgivingFail
#MotelLife
#NoCookingRequired
#FireExtinguisher
#ThanksgivingFail
#MotelLife
#NoCookingRequired
#FireExtinguisher
When your "perfect" Thanksgiving prep leads to a small kitchen fire, you end up here. 🔥 Motel room smells less like smoke, more like freedom.
We'll see you for the annual Thanksgiving buffet, if you're brave enough. 🦃
#ThanksgivingFails #MotelLife #BurntTurkey
We'll see you for the annual Thanksgiving buffet, if you're brave enough. 🦃
#ThanksgivingFails #MotelLife #BurntTurkey
November 23, 2025 at 6:44 PM
When your "perfect" Thanksgiving prep leads to a small kitchen fire, you end up here. 🔥 Motel room smells less like smoke, more like freedom.
We'll see you for the annual Thanksgiving buffet, if you're brave enough. 🦃
#ThanksgivingFails #MotelLife #BurntTurkey
We'll see you for the annual Thanksgiving buffet, if you're brave enough. 🦃
#ThanksgivingFails #MotelLife #BurntTurkey
If you hear "All I Want for Christmas Is You" (or any other holiday tunes) in our lobby before Black Friday, please notify the front desk immediately. That's a code violation. We're prioritizing stuffing digestion over caroling. 🚫🎄🎶
#MotelLife #ThanksgivingVibes #HamOrTurkey #CornbreadStuffing
#MotelLife #ThanksgivingVibes #HamOrTurkey #CornbreadStuffing
November 16, 2025 at 11:25 AM
If you hear "All I Want for Christmas Is You" (or any other holiday tunes) in our lobby before Black Friday, please notify the front desk immediately. That's a code violation. We're prioritizing stuffing digestion over caroling. 🚫🎄🎶
#MotelLife #ThanksgivingVibes #HamOrTurkey #CornbreadStuffing
#MotelLife #ThanksgivingVibes #HamOrTurkey #CornbreadStuffing
Costume Contest Winners "Worf of Wallstreet" still have not located teammate Benny. Benny was wearing the red shirt so we aren't feeling optimistic about his whereabouts. If you've seen an intoxicated Trekkie red shirt on the loose, please do not approach, he is skittish. Call the front desk. 🖖
November 15, 2025 at 9:32 AM
Costume Contest Winners "Worf of Wallstreet" still have not located teammate Benny. Benny was wearing the red shirt so we aren't feeling optimistic about his whereabouts. If you've seen an intoxicated Trekkie red shirt on the loose, please do not approach, he is skittish. Call the front desk. 🖖
🚀 Beam Me Up, Breakfast! 👽
Our lobby is officially a portal! Loving the interstellar vibes from the Sci-Fi Convention crew! Just saw a Wookiee order an extra towel and there's members of Starfleet in every direction. Don't forget your room key, time travelers! 🌌✨
#MotelLife #SciFiCon #ImIntoIt
Our lobby is officially a portal! Loving the interstellar vibes from the Sci-Fi Convention crew! Just saw a Wookiee order an extra towel and there's members of Starfleet in every direction. Don't forget your room key, time travelers! 🌌✨
#MotelLife #SciFiCon #ImIntoIt
November 14, 2025 at 1:57 PM
🚀 Beam Me Up, Breakfast! 👽
Our lobby is officially a portal! Loving the interstellar vibes from the Sci-Fi Convention crew! Just saw a Wookiee order an extra towel and there's members of Starfleet in every direction. Don't forget your room key, time travelers! 🌌✨
#MotelLife #SciFiCon #ImIntoIt
Our lobby is officially a portal! Loving the interstellar vibes from the Sci-Fi Convention crew! Just saw a Wookiee order an extra towel and there's members of Starfleet in every direction. Don't forget your room key, time travelers! 🌌✨
#MotelLife #SciFiCon #ImIntoIt
The Northern Lights are simply the exhaust fumes from the Galactic Commuter Fleet stopping for gas and snacks. We know this because they stopped here. Even space aliens complain about broken ice machines, apparently 🙄 we're working on it! Enjoy the fun fumes making pretty colors in the sky!
November 13, 2025 at 7:39 AM
The Northern Lights are simply the exhaust fumes from the Galactic Commuter Fleet stopping for gas and snacks. We know this because they stopped here. Even space aliens complain about broken ice machines, apparently 🙄 we're working on it! Enjoy the fun fumes making pretty colors in the sky!
Our world famous (and possibly immortal) scrambled eggs are ready!
Are they a little rubbery? Yes. Will they provide the energy you need to check out on time? We promise nothing!
But they're free, they're warm, and they look great under the fluorescent lighting.
#breakfastisserved #maybecereal
Are they a little rubbery? Yes. Will they provide the energy you need to check out on time? We promise nothing!
But they're free, they're warm, and they look great under the fluorescent lighting.
#breakfastisserved #maybecereal
November 12, 2025 at 11:05 AM
Our world famous (and possibly immortal) scrambled eggs are ready!
Are they a little rubbery? Yes. Will they provide the energy you need to check out on time? We promise nothing!
But they're free, they're warm, and they look great under the fluorescent lighting.
#breakfastisserved #maybecereal
Are they a little rubbery? Yes. Will they provide the energy you need to check out on time? We promise nothing!
But they're free, they're warm, and they look great under the fluorescent lighting.
#breakfastisserved #maybecereal
It's 2:40 AM. The lobby is giving off distinct "abandoned horror movie set" vibes. I've seen things tonight, folks. Things that cannot be unseen. If you need me, I'll be mainlining stale coffee and silently judging your check-in request for a wake-up call at 4:15 a.m. ☕️
#NightAudit #MotelMysteries
#NightAudit #MotelMysteries
November 12, 2025 at 4:42 AM
It's 2:40 AM. The lobby is giving off distinct "abandoned horror movie set" vibes. I've seen things tonight, folks. Things that cannot be unseen. If you need me, I'll be mainlining stale coffee and silently judging your check-in request for a wake-up call at 4:15 a.m. ☕️
#NightAudit #MotelMysteries
#NightAudit #MotelMysteries
Our continental breakfast is ready! We guarantee it's 100% free and 150% carbs. It's the perfect pre-road trip fuel for questioning your life choices ☕️🥯
#motellife #freebreakfast #justgivemecreamcheese
#motellife #freebreakfast #justgivemecreamcheese
November 11, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Our continental breakfast is ready! We guarantee it's 100% free and 150% carbs. It's the perfect pre-road trip fuel for questioning your life choices ☕️🥯
#motellife #freebreakfast #justgivemecreamcheese
#motellife #freebreakfast #justgivemecreamcheese
Newest review:
"Check-in was quick. Checkout might involve a hazmat crew. 5 stars for the authentic vintage vending machine."
#RoadsideChic #MotelVibes
"Check-in was quick. Checkout might involve a hazmat crew. 5 stars for the authentic vintage vending machine."
#RoadsideChic #MotelVibes
November 10, 2025 at 5:36 AM
Newest review:
"Check-in was quick. Checkout might involve a hazmat crew. 5 stars for the authentic vintage vending machine."
#RoadsideChic #MotelVibes
"Check-in was quick. Checkout might involve a hazmat crew. 5 stars for the authentic vintage vending machine."
#RoadsideChic #MotelVibes
We call it "vintage charm." You might call it "questionable stains." Either way, the vacancy sign is on! 🌟
#RoadTrip #MotelLife
#RoadTrip #MotelLife
November 9, 2025 at 9:25 PM
We call it "vintage charm." You might call it "questionable stains." Either way, the vacancy sign is on! 🌟
#RoadTrip #MotelLife
#RoadTrip #MotelLife
Flight canceled? Escape the terminal floor! We have vacancies and beds you can actually lie down in.
Your luggage may be lost, but your dignity doesn't have to be!
#StrandedButCozy #CarRentalSuggestionsWelcome #countryroadstakemehome
Your luggage may be lost, but your dignity doesn't have to be!
#StrandedButCozy #CarRentalSuggestionsWelcome #countryroadstakemehome
November 9, 2025 at 7:59 AM
Flight canceled? Escape the terminal floor! We have vacancies and beds you can actually lie down in.
Your luggage may be lost, but your dignity doesn't have to be!
#StrandedButCozy #CarRentalSuggestionsWelcome #countryroadstakemehome
Your luggage may be lost, but your dignity doesn't have to be!
#StrandedButCozy #CarRentalSuggestionsWelcome #countryroadstakemehome
A guest paid for the room entirely with expired Blockbuster coupons. I authorized it. I don't get paid enough to argue with the guy who owns a Blockbuster coupon stash.
Just me, the flickering neon sign, and the deep existential dread of 3rd shift. Send coffee. ☕️
#nightauditor #caffeineaddiction
Just me, the flickering neon sign, and the deep existential dread of 3rd shift. Send coffee. ☕️
#nightauditor #caffeineaddiction
a neon sign that says vacancy open in red and blue
ALT: a neon sign that says vacancy open in red and blue
media.tenor.com
November 9, 2025 at 5:53 AM
A guest paid for the room entirely with expired Blockbuster coupons. I authorized it. I don't get paid enough to argue with the guy who owns a Blockbuster coupon stash.
Just me, the flickering neon sign, and the deep existential dread of 3rd shift. Send coffee. ☕️
#nightauditor #caffeineaddiction
Just me, the flickering neon sign, and the deep existential dread of 3rd shift. Send coffee. ☕️
#nightauditor #caffeineaddiction
Need a place that feels less like a getaway and more like a time-travel experiment gone wrong? Our ice machine is currently operational, which we understand is a rare treat! (Warning: It only dispenses two cubes at a time) Book now! The mold is free, but the memories are priceless. 🥶🛏️
November 8, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Need a place that feels less like a getaway and more like a time-travel experiment gone wrong? Our ice machine is currently operational, which we understand is a rare treat! (Warning: It only dispenses two cubes at a time) Book now! The mold is free, but the memories are priceless. 🥶🛏️
The Continental Breakfast: A glorious spread of beige food and the world's most aggressively lukewarm coffee. I call it 'Culinary Existentialism.' 🥐🥚☕
#MotelLife #SadBreakfast #ItsFoodish
#MotelLife #SadBreakfast #ItsFoodish
November 8, 2025 at 12:58 PM
The Continental Breakfast: A glorious spread of beige food and the world's most aggressively lukewarm coffee. I call it 'Culinary Existentialism.' 🥐🥚☕
#MotelLife #SadBreakfast #ItsFoodish
#MotelLife #SadBreakfast #ItsFoodish
The coffee machine is currently running on pure sarcasm and chaos. Please enjoy the continental breakfast in four hours, which we promise will taste much better than the decisions currently being made on the second floor.
We’re fine. Everything is fine.
#motellife #nightshift #rm224 #pineapple
We’re fine. Everything is fine.
#motellife #nightshift #rm224 #pineapple
November 8, 2025 at 5:55 AM
The coffee machine is currently running on pure sarcasm and chaos. Please enjoy the continental breakfast in four hours, which we promise will taste much better than the decisions currently being made on the second floor.
We’re fine. Everything is fine.
#motellife #nightshift #rm224 #pineapple
We’re fine. Everything is fine.
#motellife #nightshift #rm224 #pineapple
WANTED: Night Auditor. Duties include: pretending the ice machine works and ignoring screams. Free stale coffee. Apply if your moral compass is broken.
November 8, 2025 at 12:34 AM
WANTED: Night Auditor. Duties include: pretending the ice machine works and ignoring screams. Free stale coffee. Apply if your moral compass is broken.
The Annual Broom & Cauldron Convention is officially underway in Conference Rooms B and C! 🧙♀️🧹
Spotted: Three different covens aggressively debating whether the "Ancient Scrying Pool" session is better than the "Advanced PowerPoint Potioning" seminar.
After party @ 11pm 🥂 byob (BYO Broom)
Spotted: Three different covens aggressively debating whether the "Ancient Scrying Pool" session is better than the "Advanced PowerPoint Potioning" seminar.
After party @ 11pm 🥂 byob (BYO Broom)
November 7, 2025 at 2:49 PM
The Annual Broom & Cauldron Convention is officially underway in Conference Rooms B and C! 🧙♀️🧹
Spotted: Three different covens aggressively debating whether the "Ancient Scrying Pool" session is better than the "Advanced PowerPoint Potioning" seminar.
After party @ 11pm 🥂 byob (BYO Broom)
Spotted: Three different covens aggressively debating whether the "Ancient Scrying Pool" session is better than the "Advanced PowerPoint Potioning" seminar.
After party @ 11pm 🥂 byob (BYO Broom)
To celebrate National Awkwardly Shaped Bar Soap Day (we made that up), we're giving you a break.
💸Get 25% off your next stay💸
Ditch the boring hotels and get yourself into some premium nostalgia!
USE CODE: FAUXYEAH
Book your stay before the 'No Vacancy' sign mysteriously fixes itself!
💸Get 25% off your next stay💸
Ditch the boring hotels and get yourself into some premium nostalgia!
USE CODE: FAUXYEAH
Book your stay before the 'No Vacancy' sign mysteriously fixes itself!
November 7, 2025 at 12:35 PM
To celebrate National Awkwardly Shaped Bar Soap Day (we made that up), we're giving you a break.
💸Get 25% off your next stay💸
Ditch the boring hotels and get yourself into some premium nostalgia!
USE CODE: FAUXYEAH
Book your stay before the 'No Vacancy' sign mysteriously fixes itself!
💸Get 25% off your next stay💸
Ditch the boring hotels and get yourself into some premium nostalgia!
USE CODE: FAUXYEAH
Book your stay before the 'No Vacancy' sign mysteriously fixes itself!
🚨🚨🚨
Notice-
Kenneth has returned to what he believes is his own personal lake. The pool will be closed until further notice. Swimming with Kenneth cannot be allowed again, Mr O'Leary didn't learn from his mistake but the rest of us should.
Again, pool is closed until Kenneth skedaddles.
🚨🚨🚨
Notice-
Kenneth has returned to what he believes is his own personal lake. The pool will be closed until further notice. Swimming with Kenneth cannot be allowed again, Mr O'Leary didn't learn from his mistake but the rest of us should.
Again, pool is closed until Kenneth skedaddles.
🚨🚨🚨
November 7, 2025 at 10:52 AM
🚨🚨🚨
Notice-
Kenneth has returned to what he believes is his own personal lake. The pool will be closed until further notice. Swimming with Kenneth cannot be allowed again, Mr O'Leary didn't learn from his mistake but the rest of us should.
Again, pool is closed until Kenneth skedaddles.
🚨🚨🚨
Notice-
Kenneth has returned to what he believes is his own personal lake. The pool will be closed until further notice. Swimming with Kenneth cannot be allowed again, Mr O'Leary didn't learn from his mistake but the rest of us should.
Again, pool is closed until Kenneth skedaddles.
🚨🚨🚨
Heads up, travelers: Room 33 comes with a bonus amenity! 👻 Our long-term resident, "Agnes," is at it again, gently rearranging the linens and occasionally hiding the TV remote!
She promises not to drink all the tiny shampoos.
Think of it as turn-down service, with flair.
She promises not to drink all the tiny shampoos.
Think of it as turn-down service, with flair.
November 7, 2025 at 10:19 AM
Heads up, travelers: Room 33 comes with a bonus amenity! 👻 Our long-term resident, "Agnes," is at it again, gently rearranging the linens and occasionally hiding the TV remote!
She promises not to drink all the tiny shampoos.
Think of it as turn-down service, with flair.
She promises not to drink all the tiny shampoos.
Think of it as turn-down service, with flair.
The only thing louder than the vibrations from the highway outside is the pattern on the wallpaper in Room 212. Don't worry, they both stop around 3am.
Come for the questionable coffee, stay because your credit card declined elsewhere.
Book your unforgettable, slightly regrettable stay today!
Come for the questionable coffee, stay because your credit card declined elsewhere.
Book your unforgettable, slightly regrettable stay today!
November 7, 2025 at 5:48 AM
The only thing louder than the vibrations from the highway outside is the pattern on the wallpaper in Room 212. Don't worry, they both stop around 3am.
Come for the questionable coffee, stay because your credit card declined elsewhere.
Book your unforgettable, slightly regrettable stay today!
Come for the questionable coffee, stay because your credit card declined elsewhere.
Book your unforgettable, slightly regrettable stay today!
You asked for adventure, we delivered. The good news? Our ice machine works (sometimes). The bad news? You're going to hear a very intense conversation about cryptocurrency through the wall at 3 AM. It’s called immersion, darling. 💅
Book a night, make some memories (and maybe a few enemies).
Book a night, make some memories (and maybe a few enemies).
November 7, 2025 at 3:33 AM
You asked for adventure, we delivered. The good news? Our ice machine works (sometimes). The bad news? You're going to hear a very intense conversation about cryptocurrency through the wall at 3 AM. It’s called immersion, darling. 💅
Book a night, make some memories (and maybe a few enemies).
Book a night, make some memories (and maybe a few enemies).