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phiwwup.bsky.social
@phiwwup.bsky.social
My dog was so desperate to try the pretzels I was eating, so I said ok fine, and I gave him a few.

He proceeded to drink sooooooooooo much water
a man is making pretzels in a kitchen and says these pretzels are making me thirsty
ALT: a man is making pretzels in a kitchen and says these pretzels are making me thirsty
media.tenor.com
April 3, 2025 at 3:23 AM
Yeehaw!!!
March 21, 2025 at 4:24 AM
Me to a muffin:

"hewwoo pwincess 🤠"
March 13, 2025 at 2:16 AM
I thought you were all about that yeet yeet... but it turns out, you're just about that skrrt skrrt 😔
March 13, 2025 at 2:14 AM
I just paid my dog the cheese tax and he had the audacity to drop the news that he just inacted a 25% cheese tarriff! Like, I gave him more cheese but only because he's a fluffy guy.
March 9, 2025 at 7:53 PM
Reposted
(Phone line trilling)

“Hello, this is the newspaper.”

“Yes, Newspaper, I’d like to write about being a loser.”

“Sure, let me connect you directly to the printer.”
March 6, 2025 at 3:58 AM
Give me the severance procedure so I don't ever have to hear bad music again; my innie's entire existence would be imagine dragons playing. Lol what a bummer of an existence that would be
March 6, 2025 at 5:06 AM
No joke my dog just yawned and said "awoooooooga" like an old timey car. lol beep beep back atcha buddy
February 28, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Reposted
This is the @scottaukerman.bsky.social pull quote from this week’s ep, re: jizz

“As far as excretions go that’s one of the better ones”
February 19, 2025 at 12:03 AM
If you listen to brown noise all night every night does it end up on your Spotify wrapped at the end of the year?
February 12, 2025 at 6:26 PM
These P&GE ads where they're like "you should trust us, no safety issues here!" are so infuriating. PG&E needs to be taken over by the state. No utility should be privately owned.
February 4, 2025 at 3:56 PM
I attended a meeting where the speaker had a background in ornithology and I am positively disappointed in myself for not asking him what the best bird species is. His answer would have been a barometer for his credibility.

Y'all know that the answer is a red tailed hawk AND IT AIN'T EVEN CLOSE.
January 22, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Why the hell is The Bear considered a comedy/musical?!?
January 6, 2025 at 1:55 AM
When your mom texts you "sooo I did a thing" and it turns out that thing was place an order from an online pretzel retailer she saw on Facebook
December 11, 2024 at 4:20 AM