My answer to half of these would be “Persona 5”, but… perhaps I’ll indulge.

Counterpoint: Who The Fuck Cares?

Every day, there's like 3-5 percent of me that wants to run from my bus stop to the office like I'm the Ultimate Warrior. But then I remember I'm 55 and my building is uphill.

Answering my own question: Call of Duty Black Ops 7.

“Now run along and shoot neighborhood pets with a BB gun, son!”

“There’s no pee tape.”

FACTCHECK.ORG: “The pee ‘tape’ was part of a larger collection, and was digitized to DVD in 2006. We therefore rate this claim ‘Needs Further Context’.”

See… I bought a 12-pack but I was gonna be a good citizen and wait until the previous one was done. And now you’ve ruined that plan. 😜

(NARRATOR) "They will, in fact, not work with you."

I had higher hopes for Letterman when he first rolled out the beard.