I'm already lucky. Just a couple decades ago the meds that make life wildly better for me (for my psoriasis) didn't exist. I'd have been in so much pain with no relief at all.

God I hope so

Tbh I really gotta put this shit to bed for once and for all. I'm happy now, have an amazing wife, and am rebuilding my life from the damage that was inflicted on me in various directions for a long time. Maybe this realisation is the start of an important phase of healing.

It's actually kind of weirdly nice to (a) realise why that felt icky and (b) be able to recognise it was utterly fucked from the start. He didn't change because of me being so unbearable or whatever. That's just who he was.

Seeing him then do it to another partner (when he pushed me into polyam I didn't want at the time) felt so horrible but I didn't have the words for it.

The control changes are relatively minor, glad I used the demo as a chance to get used to the changes. Once you're used to them, I think they're an improvement. And one I didn't know it needed!