I offer a full and unequivocal apology to Mr Thor for the misrepresentation of him as a sea lion and for any damage caused to his reputation and/or relationships as a result of this grave error. To adhere to the legal judgment, here is Mr Thor’s statement in full: “I am the walrus. Coo coo ca-choo”

Besides, gold would clash so horribly with the swimming medals I’ve received in the past couple of weeks