Bartleby the Scrivener
@petelonesome.bsky.social
I’m an anti-colonialist dish that makes its own gravy. Songwriter, guitarist, indie music producer, poetry, snark and punk4life.
There's still time to get me a DOD Meatbox Subsynth for a Christmas present. I don't really actually need one. I just want to piss off Morrissey.
December 24, 2025 at 4:33 PM
There's still time to get me a DOD Meatbox Subsynth for a Christmas present. I don't really actually need one. I just want to piss off Morrissey.
Tomorrow is such a special day for hirsute Panamanians, who hug and wish each other a hairy isthmus.
December 24, 2025 at 4:32 PM
Tomorrow is such a special day for hirsute Panamanians, who hug and wish each other a hairy isthmus.
My Xmas tree looks like what you’d get if you shoplifted a Target and could only use what you could carry inside your coat and then spend an afternoon trying to portray sadness.
December 23, 2025 at 4:43 AM
My Xmas tree looks like what you’d get if you shoplifted a Target and could only use what you could carry inside your coat and then spend an afternoon trying to portray sadness.
I’m not worried about oil spills anymore because I’ve seen the short film that shows how the Dove Dishwashing Liquid people are hand-washing the oil spillage off of all the ducklings, and restoring their happiness. Merry Christmas.
December 23, 2025 at 4:38 AM
I’m not worried about oil spills anymore because I’ve seen the short film that shows how the Dove Dishwashing Liquid people are hand-washing the oil spillage off of all the ducklings, and restoring their happiness. Merry Christmas.
Occupy Whoville
December 22, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Occupy Whoville
Happy Winter Solstice. Hippy.
December 22, 2025 at 2:55 AM
Happy Winter Solstice. Hippy.
I do not care if you have a merry christmas, nor do I give a crap if your holidays are happy. I'm waging a war on hollow, perfunctory greetings so as to produce an artificial retail stimulus. Also, fuck this traffic.
December 21, 2025 at 1:14 AM
I do not care if you have a merry christmas, nor do I give a crap if your holidays are happy. I'm waging a war on hollow, perfunctory greetings so as to produce an artificial retail stimulus. Also, fuck this traffic.
Nothing quite says baby Jesus meek and mild like Mariah Carey posing in front of a McDonald’s sign. This Xmas is gonna rule.
December 21, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Nothing quite says baby Jesus meek and mild like Mariah Carey posing in front of a McDonald’s sign. This Xmas is gonna rule.
Just a few more days until THE ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD STOPS TELLING ME TO BUY STUFF.
December 21, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Just a few more days until THE ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD STOPS TELLING ME TO BUY STUFF.
The Trump-Kennedy Center might have a vaguely famous-adulterist cohesion but I can’t say the same for the Trump-Lincoln Memorial.
December 20, 2025 at 11:02 PM
The Trump-Kennedy Center might have a vaguely famous-adulterist cohesion but I can’t say the same for the Trump-Lincoln Memorial.
Is it Happy Impeachment or Merry Impeachment? I don’t want to offend anyone.
December 19, 2025 at 11:47 PM
Is it Happy Impeachment or Merry Impeachment? I don’t want to offend anyone.
Jonathan Capeheart NPR interview w/John Lurie about his Marvin Pontiac album asks: but isn't the music business easier in some ways today? Because look, Beyonce & Jay Z just released albums online. Next up: Dan Quayle interviews Neil DeGrasse Tyson about the mysterious Christmas lights in the sky.
December 18, 2025 at 8:39 PM
Jonathan Capeheart NPR interview w/John Lurie about his Marvin Pontiac album asks: but isn't the music business easier in some ways today? Because look, Beyonce & Jay Z just released albums online. Next up: Dan Quayle interviews Neil DeGrasse Tyson about the mysterious Christmas lights in the sky.
Still not sure if “The Santa Clause IV: Day of the Soldado” is keeping with the spirit of the season, but the kids and I enjoyed it.
December 18, 2025 at 8:21 PM
Still not sure if “The Santa Clause IV: Day of the Soldado” is keeping with the spirit of the season, but the kids and I enjoyed it.
George HW Bush once lost an election because he couldn’t say what was the price of a quart of milk. We need to bring back this line of questioning with our presidents.
December 18, 2025 at 5:05 PM
George HW Bush once lost an election because he couldn’t say what was the price of a quart of milk. We need to bring back this line of questioning with our presidents.
Trump to visit terminally ill cancer patients to tell them “You’re doing great! I’ve cured cancer. You’re welcome.”
December 18, 2025 at 11:12 AM
Trump to visit terminally ill cancer patients to tell them “You’re doing great! I’ve cured cancer. You’re welcome.”
Looking forward to the weekend.
Go up, Humbaba, onto the dogrose of this far-flung city and battle with the temple woman there. Examine its courageous night, take its blessed journey thoroughly.
December 18, 2025 at 10:40 AM
Looking forward to the weekend.
How will the FBI go on without Dan Bongino, and how will Kash Patel go on without a taller man to give him the boost he needs for him to peer over tall fences?
December 18, 2025 at 12:39 AM
How will the FBI go on without Dan Bongino, and how will Kash Patel go on without a taller man to give him the boost he needs for him to peer over tall fences?
Dickens 2025: "The Pasts of Christmas Ghosts" "Jacob Marley--How He Got Those Chains" "Old Fezziweg--Our Undercover Report of What REALLY Goes On At Those Parties" "Scrooge Announces Candidacy, Calls for Obama Birth Certificate" "Tiny Tim Stumbles, Eliminated from 'Dancing With The Stars"
December 17, 2025 at 6:13 PM
Dickens 2025: "The Pasts of Christmas Ghosts" "Jacob Marley--How He Got Those Chains" "Old Fezziweg--Our Undercover Report of What REALLY Goes On At Those Parties" "Scrooge Announces Candidacy, Calls for Obama Birth Certificate" "Tiny Tim Stumbles, Eliminated from 'Dancing With The Stars"
Darth Shatner. The force of bacon.
December 17, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Darth Shatner. The force of bacon.
The Force Awakens, and when it gets out of bed we see that it was just Dave Grohl all along.
December 17, 2025 at 6:12 PM
The Force Awakens, and when it gets out of bed we see that it was just Dave Grohl all along.
The Force Awakens, once Luke explains to Chewie the meaning of "domestic partner."
December 17, 2025 at 6:12 PM
The Force Awakens, once Luke explains to Chewie the meaning of "domestic partner."
"These wonderful things are the things we'll remember all through our lives"
False.
False.
December 17, 2025 at 6:08 PM
"These wonderful things are the things we'll remember all through our lives"
False.
False.