Dick Cheney died ✅
Zohran Mandani won ✅
Brenden Fraser and Rachel Weisz are reuniting for the Mummy 4 ✅

Yesterday was a great day for bisexuals.

Cute barista made INTENTIONAL eye contact. Confirmed: still bisexual. THANK GOD.

It’s really disappointing realizing you’re not as gay as you hoped.

A pretty girl told me I was funny last week and I’m still riding that high.

Can we bring back benefactors? Like I want someone to pay for my life and I not work in the capitalistic machine

With a gag reflex like mine, I should have known I was a lesbian.

In order to save money I’ve been cooking a lot more than normal but last night I just couldn’t. So I ordered a cheeseburger and onion rings on uber eats. Since I hadn’t eaten greasy or fried foods in a while it made my tummy hurt.

I just really hate it when the health nuts are occasionally right 😔

Bird watching really creeps up on you. One minute you’re young and in the club, the next you’re taking pictures of cool birds to send to your friends.

I’m watching a dad in the ikea parking lot play tag with his kids. Ikeas not open yet, so it’s a little less dangerous lol. But it’s reminding me today that joy is resistance 🧡

The algorithm for Bluesky is killing it tonight

S/O to the person live streaming all of wicked right now. It’s helping today

If this is my last year outside, I’m becoming insufferable as hell. Which is saying a lot because I’m already insufferable as hell.

Every time I email my boss and show up in her office before the email goes through she says “you’re faster than electrons!” And I don’t know why, but it makes me so happy

Watching someone I went to high school with become a boy mom in real time is why I still have Facebook.

I told my best friend my controversial opinion on Avatar. It’s that I like Korra more.

She just goes, “it’s because you’re gay”

And you know what

My mom once Twitter bullied her insurance company into approving an experimental surgery. When they called her to tell her it was approved, she was about to be rolled back for said surgery and just told them “I know.” And hung up.

Today felt right to share that again.

I want to get hit in the head so someone asks “how’s your head” so I can say “no complaints yet” when in fact, I have had many complaints.

Somebody send me money. You’ll get nothing in exchange but I get to buy a little treat.

Hoping I made it to blue sky soon enough that people realize I’m funny and I can make it big with little to no effort.