it seems like being lost in the sauce vs the consummation of trust and both of those potentials are insanely good

so much of love and affection are policed and frowned upon and discriminated so it almost feels like a ways to make your presence Known in that way but i shan't lie the opposite style of having to be sneaky or only revealing your feelings in a controlled space also does some shit to me

feels very lame and pedestrian to be like "i dont want them fucking nasty i want them liking each other" but thats just how it be when you're so far removed from "normal" experiences

its also my big fear of doing anything irl because if i'm not deliberate then i wont have opportunities but even then that makes things feel like a math problem which is leagues more fucked up and stupid

you know that old fable the lindwurm. its like that except theres no horrible curse or anything sendag is just like that and needs constant permission and reassurance to function

"i like you too but i'm too awkward/green to show it past following your lead" x "I Cannot Be Trusted With My Desires", Tread Carefully"

i had to change the verbage on this because a bunch of fucking weird asses tracking a particular word kept liking it i hate the internet let me be thirsty in peace Please

when i imagine them in intimate scenarios there's an extremely conspicuous aspect of friction but not in a noncon coercion kind of way its more they want it So Bad but their mindset is so deep fried they just don't operate with thinking that they're an active part of the equation

it takes constant repeated reassurance and interest from the other side to get through to them but its very much like they're willingly holding their breath and you'd feel it if you touched them, even past the usual lack of normal human tactile sensation bullshit

like its just two idiots fooling around its not that serious but this is that same hitch i always get where it feels dirty just flagrantly fantasizing so i gotta keep things tethered to reality and make it awkward

sendag is supposed to have a fat ass but trying to draw that feels like i'm trying too hard and i'm constantly in that too nervous to bite for the artists i like because "what if they make them too stereotypically sexy they're not like that" and i die a million deaths