now if I could just DRAW IT AUHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

*FUCK*

I just stopped working an awful job for the sake of myself and being a workaholic
I'm now having nothing to do except work, and work HARD to not be miserable forever, and that included arbitrary availability and uncertainty in my future on top of it all?
yeah, feeling like I've failed. sorry.

but the notion of him right now just
fills me with uncomfy.
iunno, guess I'm just overwhelmed by change and stress. my emotional state has been very very turbulent, but the end result is I sit in a quiet room, isolated all the same.
just imagine if I wasn't lazy.

lets not even consider anything lewd gets an extreme reaction out of me right now and that's literally awful because I've been hyperfixated on Warmth. Happiest I've felt in a long time, finally having something that scratches that monster itch. literally perfect development and shift for my sona.

a large majority of this is frustration pointed inward, because I damn well know what steps I can take to start mitigating all these issues
but. i. just. cant. fucking. move.
all this change all this turbulence, and for what?
to just sit on my ass in a different spot.
I'm out of motivation i guess.