My secret weapon against sickness is to loudly complain about how I think I’m starting to get sick. All symptoms disappear and I look dramatic and annoying. It works every time.

I have been watching sister wives. I want some sister wives.

My kid and his friend had a sleepover and dyed their hair last night without permission and supervision. They did not use gloves and his friend dyed their mustache hair as well. Reader, they don’t have any “mustache hair” and there’s just a black smear all around their top lip this morning. Oh god.

I’m bored and I wish I was getting a fun package in the mail or a new puppy or hanging out with a baby or something

We just asked our electrician if it’s easy to replace the bulbs on the porch light he’s installing and he said “no, but as long as I’m living you’ll have me to do it.”

That is a pretty serious commitment imo.

I can’t stand that “it’s called manifesting, look it up” lady’s whole schtick. It makes me feel like pinching.

What’s your favorite shampoo? I’m looking to switch things up. Currently I use Aveda Shampure.

I just watched a live performance of Bradly cooper and lady Gaga singing Shallow. It’s so funny how stupid that song is and how seriously they take it