silah^J^
@pavlovs906.bsky.social
big fan of hannigram, amerus, etc.
i’m a recluse so im mostly just here to browse. i will most likely not interact with most people on here.
this my personal journal too, so what i post might be triggering.
i’m a recluse so im mostly just here to browse. i will most likely not interact with most people on here.
this my personal journal too, so what i post might be triggering.
“disqualified as a human being.”
January 21, 2026 at 6:02 PM
“disqualified as a human being.”
-just found out i've been abandoned by god which means he's not watching anything i do anymore. you should come over.”
-you know me so well in a way that makes me wanna kill you with hammers”
-no that is not "your silly little kitten" that is a grown ass man, and he's ugly, and we're gonna kill him”
-you know me so well in a way that makes me wanna kill you with hammers”
-no that is not "your silly little kitten" that is a grown ass man, and he's ugly, and we're gonna kill him”
January 21, 2026 at 6:02 PM
-just found out i've been abandoned by god which means he's not watching anything i do anymore. you should come over.”
-you know me so well in a way that makes me wanna kill you with hammers”
-no that is not "your silly little kitten" that is a grown ass man, and he's ugly, and we're gonna kill him”
-you know me so well in a way that makes me wanna kill you with hammers”
-no that is not "your silly little kitten" that is a grown ass man, and he's ugly, and we're gonna kill him”
Their emotions compact until they can't feel a thing."
January 21, 2026 at 6:01 PM
Their emotions compact until they can't feel a thing."
- “they bottle their emotions so tightly that they magnify under the surface, multiply like a virus, until their subconscious is a background painted in distress, an atmosphere of inner turmoil. The release they want in emotional form becomes distant, unavailable.
January 21, 2026 at 6:01 PM
- “they bottle their emotions so tightly that they magnify under the surface, multiply like a virus, until their subconscious is a background painted in distress, an atmosphere of inner turmoil. The release they want in emotional form becomes distant, unavailable.
He was dying from the inside out, his brain was on fire. i’m uninspired.
January 21, 2026 at 6:01 PM
He was dying from the inside out, his brain was on fire. i’m uninspired.
- Will wasn't aware of what he was saying anymore. His mouth was like a gushing wound, and he couldn't stop the emetic flow of words if he tried. He thought of his depression, weighing down his bones like molten lead, in place of his marrow.
January 21, 2026 at 6:01 PM
- Will wasn't aware of what he was saying anymore. His mouth was like a gushing wound, and he couldn't stop the emetic flow of words if he tried. He thought of his depression, weighing down his bones like molten lead, in place of his marrow.
- “i really do like beautiful things. I really do. Yet l always have the urge to ruin them. I'm weird, messed up and crazy.”
January 21, 2026 at 6:00 PM
- “i really do like beautiful things. I really do. Yet l always have the urge to ruin them. I'm weird, messed up and crazy.”
- I will try my whole lifetime or for an eternity to be the one for you I will mold, break myself and tear myself up to pieces. But I plead with you just let me stay and let me try once more.
January 21, 2026 at 6:00 PM
- I will try my whole lifetime or for an eternity to be the one for you I will mold, break myself and tear myself up to pieces. But I plead with you just let me stay and let me try once more.
(Fuck you, someone, he thinks; fuck you for suffering so much better and more elegantly than he is.)
January 21, 2026 at 6:00 PM
(Fuck you, someone, he thinks; fuck you for suffering so much better and more elegantly than he is.)
_ has invented a someone out there who does not exist and that someone has so many more Good Reasons to need help so why the fuck should _ need any? He has a job and dogs and he's not actively trying to kill himself, so he should be grateful he's at least better than that someone.
January 21, 2026 at 6:00 PM
_ has invented a someone out there who does not exist and that someone has so many more Good Reasons to need help so why the fuck should _ need any? He has a job and dogs and he's not actively trying to kill himself, so he should be grateful he's at least better than that someone.
- Irony delivered in inertia; he could not kill himself because the effort of staying alive wore him out too much to kill himself.
January 21, 2026 at 5:59 PM
- Irony delivered in inertia; he could not kill himself because the effort of staying alive wore him out too much to kill himself.
To lay and dream in perpetual nothingness, shut out from the world and its wonders under a blanket of six feet of earth.
January 21, 2026 at 5:59 PM
To lay and dream in perpetual nothingness, shut out from the world and its wonders under a blanket of six feet of earth.
Validation through recognition.Two, the person must want to kill themselves. Suicide was a decision to rob yourself of every future decision, every other what-if and could-have-been, the choice to sacrifice all other choices.
January 21, 2026 at 5:59 PM
Validation through recognition.Two, the person must want to kill themselves. Suicide was a decision to rob yourself of every future decision, every other what-if and could-have-been, the choice to sacrifice all other choices.
- “For suicide to occur, two conditions must be met. The person must want to, one, die; to suffer and be known in their suffering. To eavesdrop in their funeral coffin in their nicest clothes as the mourners breathe 'How could we have missed the signs?' into the frisk morning air.
January 21, 2026 at 5:59 PM
- “For suicide to occur, two conditions must be met. The person must want to, one, die; to suffer and be known in their suffering. To eavesdrop in their funeral coffin in their nicest clothes as the mourners breathe 'How could we have missed the signs?' into the frisk morning air.
- “Going months without seeing his own blood color his skin didn't make him feel better, on the contrary, it drove him crazy.”
January 21, 2026 at 4:45 PM
- “Going months without seeing his own blood color his skin didn't make him feel better, on the contrary, it drove him crazy.”
And then hang around his neck, staining his spotless suit with his filthy blood. And kiss him, or push him against the couch, or carry him to his bedroom, whispering things in his ear that would persuade ___ to fuck him so brutally that his cuts would reopen, and stain the sheets earthy red.”
January 21, 2026 at 4:45 PM
And then hang around his neck, staining his spotless suit with his filthy blood. And kiss him, or push him against the couch, or carry him to his bedroom, whispering things in his ear that would persuade ___ to fuck him so brutally that his cuts would reopen, and stain the sheets earthy red.”
- “He still wanted to go and show him the blood soaking through his white socks, and the blood on the sides of his underwear. And the blood on his shirt. To tell him as soon as he saw him. I don't want to die. I want to kill myself. Or be killed. And I don't want to stop. I won't stop.
January 21, 2026 at 4:44 PM
- “He still wanted to go and show him the blood soaking through his white socks, and the blood on the sides of his underwear. And the blood on his shirt. To tell him as soon as he saw him. I don't want to die. I want to kill myself. Or be killed. And I don't want to stop. I won't stop.
To show __ my self-destruction and for him to have to grab it by its broken, sharp edges right then and there. To see him uncomfortable, worried.”
January 21, 2026 at 4:44 PM
To show __ my self-destruction and for him to have to grab it by its broken, sharp edges right then and there. To see him uncomfortable, worried.”
- “To go and tell him everything, holding his gaze. Almost challenging him. To tell him, look at me, this is what I am, this is what it is. To dare him to do something. To act. To wait for his response. To be rude. And brusque. And unpleasant. And vulgar. And tasteless.
January 21, 2026 at 4:44 PM
- “To go and tell him everything, holding his gaze. Almost challenging him. To tell him, look at me, this is what I am, this is what it is. To dare him to do something. To act. To wait for his response. To be rude. And brusque. And unpleasant. And vulgar. And tasteless.
- “wish we could cut our skulls open and swap brains into the other's body. That way you could feel what I feel. You could know how cold you are, like being stabbed with a hundred icicles. you have no idea what you do to me."
January 21, 2026 at 4:43 PM
- “wish we could cut our skulls open and swap brains into the other's body. That way you could feel what I feel. You could know how cold you are, like being stabbed with a hundred icicles. you have no idea what you do to me."
- "If I could link the bars of our ribcages together like puzzle pieces, I would."
January 21, 2026 at 4:43 PM
- "If I could link the bars of our ribcages together like puzzle pieces, I would."
- “quantum entanglement”Sometimes when two particles interact with each other, they remain connected and are able to affect one another even over long distances."They are forever changed after meeting. Always connected no matter how far they stray."
January 21, 2026 at 4:43 PM
- “quantum entanglement”Sometimes when two particles interact with each other, they remain connected and are able to affect one another even over long distances."They are forever changed after meeting. Always connected no matter how far they stray."
- “people are not instruments. You have to listen very carefully to what you’re creating.”
January 21, 2026 at 4:42 PM
- “people are not instruments. You have to listen very carefully to what you’re creating.”