everything hurts

i just want to do good for you and for myself. why does every choice i have need to be one or the other? its not fair

i try man. i try to be normal but my brain is wired differently. i will always be honest with everyone including myself, i will not suppress my thoughts about you. it just feels like thats what people would rather me do, than whatever it is i do now

i make a friend i really like the company of,
we get close,
i basically fall in love with them because im ill,
i talk about my feelings,
eventually they leave. they always leave. noone enjoys having a friend like me, its "weird" and "gross" and they just want me to be Normal

what is the point in caring about anyone anymore