as thirsty as it sounds, god they all make my legs so weak- like, i feel the urge to kneel or get on all fours so fucking badly

so, there's that... sorry if it's of any disliking to any of you. just really needed to take this out of my chest as best as i could.

it felt like a whole part of my world fell apart, and have been grieving a lot... thankfully i have learnt how to grieve in the background, but it has been quite heavy. have not been able to spend more than one hour without crying lmao.

after some years, finally got to know of them again- just not the way i ever wished. long story short, one of those children got in the way of danger and, well- yeah. this made me feel so sick to my stomach.

eventually, i had to leave... which still burdens me heavily because of survivor's guilt. tried to take care of them as best as i could, hoping they wouldn't stray from the path too much, at least.

i was a child taking care of other children, but it was what had to be done mostly for us to survive. and spent a pair of years in that situation. didn't let the small ones participate on the work, and pretty much tried to be a big sibling to them.