ive really been trying to just believe its not that bad and enjoy the frww moments where this job feels like a job i can do but there's just too much constant harassment directed towards me, condescending talk, policy violations that directly affect my life...
this job doesn't want me to succeed.

i filed an hr report because i'm done
ive been holding out hoping maybe it'll get better but its getting so much worse its almost cartoonish
i would walk out right now if i could

I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE IM AT THE POINT IN THIS JOB WHERE IM GETTING BLAMED FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S WORK NOT BEING COMPLETED
THERES NO FUCKING WAY THIS ISN'T AN INTENTIONAL ATTACK DIRECTED TO ME

HOW AM I GETTING BLAMED FOR SHIT IM ACTUALLY DOING BUT YOU AREN'T??
IM NOT YOUR FUCKING MOM, IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING NAG YOU OVER AND OVER WHEN YOU IMPLEMENTED A CALENDAR SYSTEM TO PREVENT THAT AND YOU FAILED TO UTILIZE IT
FUCK YOU ITS NOT MY PROBLEM
LEARN TO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB YOU PRICK

supervisor: well you need to be ensuring the documents are completed, well review this after im back from vacation

me: ???????????
BITCH
ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?
YOURE BLAMING ME BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO DO YOUR WORK????
I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH THIS PLACE

i think its funny because its not even her fault this time, hell she was even telling me i should fight it because its stupid
but its like....anytime shes in the office, i'm getting screwed over SOMEHOW
shes just a harbinger of bad events lol

i swear to god everytime that woman's in the office its like a fucking omen
shes only in this office to give me more work or give me shit for ridiculous bullshit, and everytime shes in here I end up oversleeping that day, like shes a literal fucking omen

"well you had 3 separate call outs within 30 days-"
EAT MY ASS
ITS WINTER FUCKERS
SOMETIMES YOU GET SICK
NEXT TIME IM SICK ILL DRIVE AROUND THE STATE TO ALL THE OFFICES AND COUGH ON EVERY FUCKING THING IN SIGHT THEN WE CAN SEE WHOS TAKING EXCESSIVE SICK DAYS BITCH
I AINT SIGNIN SHIT
FUCK YOU

i will NOT have the little ep done by bandcamp friday, i have not been working on it
it'll be done eventually

I CAME IN WITH A GOOD MOOD AND READY TO HAVE AN AVERAGE DAY OF WORK AND ITS BEEN BACK TO FUCKING BACK THROAT PUNCHES TIL THAT NEAT LITTLE FINAL KICK TO MY STOMACH

I wish I could work less or take a large amount of time off to figure shit out but I just dont have that luxury

REALLY not looking forward to job hunting again either...the market is bad and finding a job that'll give me any amount of benefits and not overwork me like this place is gonna be fucking hard

I cant risk getting fired because of all that weight im carrying so I just have to be 2 steps ahead and prepare to get a new job

I dunno I'm kinda just rambling, I'm just bored too often and it just tanks my mood and leaves me yearning for something to put focus into

Honestly I dunno what I really "want" these days creatively, all these creative ventures I've cycled between are just me desperately trying to find SOMETHING to give me some artistic enrichment

Kinda makes me long for 5 years in the past when I was making shit in a group setting, doing little collabs n RPs
It at least gave me some substance and was manageable for my low energy depressed ass
But any place I've tried to join with similar vibes just never hits the same and I just drift away

It'd be nice to get back into my art but it's like...what would I even do?
Draw my ocs for the hundredth time? Create another OC I'll never use?
It just feels like I can't do anything substantial with my art rn, and any of the usual routes (making a project or something) just feels too monumental...

me too

my life is a comedy for a depraved sadistic omnipotent entity that loves watching me flail around desperately through life and only exists to make sure im never too comfortable
kill me