Random nostalgia: when Aldi cashiers used to whip your shit across the scanner into the cart no fucks given, except maybe the milk and eggs.

You can tell what kind of day the worker at a fast food chain is having by the state of your sandwich. I feel you stranger, and it's ok. My sandwich has no feelings and imma eat it anyway.

Me [excitedly]: Look the sun is the emoji! (😶‍🌫️)
*points enthusiastically until he sees*
Cone: That is the most high thing you've ever said.

How do I personally request to mute and ban all news about Taylor fucking Swift from everything I use I swear to god imma lose it up in here, up in here.

idk why but a favorite part of setting up a new planner is filling in birthdays. so if you wanna dox the day you came into being, lemme know.

Every time I see hairstylists go on about knowing your worth and revealing their rates I just cry in poor. Tis the Supercuts life for me 🙂

Becoming a parent is subjecting yourself to becoming a Hit Clip's worth of a random kids song for an entire day.