i.. just wish i could live comfortably. dry place to sleep, good food to eat, quiet place to rest, warm company to keep.

i don't have all the answers, but.. every bit of morale support and financial support helps. the kind words, the reassurances mean so much to me, especially now.

i.. don't want to hate my art, anymore. i don't want to be ashamed of my art, anymore. i don't want to feel embarrassed of my art, anymore. i don't want to feel insecure about my art anymore.

even if some of the things i draw aren't happy, i still want to feel confident in myself for drawing it.

i.. care about my art. i want to be this person who draws what i love and also show that other people can draw what they love, too. draw the things they find meaningful to them, whether its heartfelt stories or indulgent art pieces or a mix of both. lofty, but.. important to me.

i try to be supportive of my friends' art, but i'm rarely that encouraging to myself. instead of self-deprecating, i.. need to be that kind of encouraging person to myself, i just.. struggle with that because i used to draw to barely make rent and burnt out hard from that; still recovering from that

i don't feel like i'm good enough sometimes. the external compliments help, but its an internal perfectionism thing where if i don't feel like i could draw it good then i won't commit to it.

then.. barely anything gets drawn.
or it takes forever.

i mean. i can Do that with fetish art. i just.. my hobby and my career are intertwined and.. that's really scary to me sometimes. i've been relying on donations for food while i rest and recuperate and heal deep emotional wounds, but.. people are waiting on me. a lot of people. and i.. get scared.

there's nothing wrong with arousing things! i like looking at other peoples art and stories and (very rarely) roleplay, but. my approach to art feels more, like i want to draw anatomy more accurately, lean into stylization more effectively, things like that.

(mac n cheese, please)