Oviedo Mall
@oviedomall.bsky.social
No, we're not okay. We're a mall.
Home to great entertainment, shopping, dining and strange interns.
Home to great entertainment, shopping, dining and strange interns.
‼️ATTENTION MALL SHOPPERS‼️
Effective immediately:
The haunted doll is now Employee of the Month.
Marco is banned from investigating the vents.
If you hear the mannequins whispering, no you didn’t.
We are absolutely a real mall.
Any questions?
Effective immediately:
The haunted doll is now Employee of the Month.
Marco is banned from investigating the vents.
If you hear the mannequins whispering, no you didn’t.
We are absolutely a real mall.
Any questions?
March 4, 2025 at 3:24 PM
‼️ATTENTION MALL SHOPPERS‼️
Effective immediately:
The haunted doll is now Employee of the Month.
Marco is banned from investigating the vents.
If you hear the mannequins whispering, no you didn’t.
We are absolutely a real mall.
Any questions?
Effective immediately:
The haunted doll is now Employee of the Month.
Marco is banned from investigating the vents.
If you hear the mannequins whispering, no you didn’t.
We are absolutely a real mall.
Any questions?
Mall walking is a sport. We support all athletes, especially the 6 AM grandmas crushing their step goals.
March 3, 2025 at 11:21 AM
Mall walking is a sport. We support all athletes, especially the 6 AM grandmas crushing their step goals.
BREAKING: Oviedo Mall was not invited to the Oscars. Again.
Despite our incredible performances in:
Best Original Panic (Marco, lost in the back hallways)
Best Supporting Haunted Doll (She’s always watching.)
Best Visual Effects (The food court exit that wasn’t there yesterday.)
Despite our incredible performances in:
Best Original Panic (Marco, lost in the back hallways)
Best Supporting Haunted Doll (She’s always watching.)
Best Visual Effects (The food court exit that wasn’t there yesterday.)
March 3, 2025 at 1:21 AM
BREAKING: Oviedo Mall was not invited to the Oscars. Again.
Despite our incredible performances in:
Best Original Panic (Marco, lost in the back hallways)
Best Supporting Haunted Doll (She’s always watching.)
Best Visual Effects (The food court exit that wasn’t there yesterday.)
Despite our incredible performances in:
Best Original Panic (Marco, lost in the back hallways)
Best Supporting Haunted Doll (She’s always watching.)
Best Visual Effects (The food court exit that wasn’t there yesterday.)
The back hallway smells like ozone. Rachel says that means something has been here. Tobias won’t say what. The haunted doll turned her head just a little too far when we asked. Anyway, happy Tuesday!
February 25, 2025 at 5:30 PM
The back hallway smells like ozone. Rachel says that means something has been here. Tobias won’t say what. The haunted doll turned her head just a little too far when we asked. Anyway, happy Tuesday!
Dear Manager,
This week:
1. Marco found a 6th mall entrance. We ignored it.
2. Cassie made peace with the mannequins. For now.
3. Tobias trapped something in the vents.
4. Rachel tested every massage chair.
5. The haunted doll updated the website.
Thank you,
The Interns
This week:
1. Marco found a 6th mall entrance. We ignored it.
2. Cassie made peace with the mannequins. For now.
3. Tobias trapped something in the vents.
4. Rachel tested every massage chair.
5. The haunted doll updated the website.
Thank you,
The Interns
February 24, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Dear Manager,
This week:
1. Marco found a 6th mall entrance. We ignored it.
2. Cassie made peace with the mannequins. For now.
3. Tobias trapped something in the vents.
4. Rachel tested every massage chair.
5. The haunted doll updated the website.
Thank you,
The Interns
This week:
1. Marco found a 6th mall entrance. We ignored it.
2. Cassie made peace with the mannequins. For now.
3. Tobias trapped something in the vents.
4. Rachel tested every massage chair.
5. The haunted doll updated the website.
Thank you,
The Interns
Learned today that knowing the mall social media guy is apparently a flex in some Orlando circles. Special shoutout to my Epic Universe fans—didn’t realize I had a fan club, but if y’all want to build me a dark ride, I won’t stop you.
February 22, 2025 at 10:47 PM
Learned today that knowing the mall social media guy is apparently a flex in some Orlando circles. Special shoutout to my Epic Universe fans—didn’t realize I had a fan club, but if y’all want to build me a dark ride, I won’t stop you.
Lost & Found update: One Bluetooth speaker blasting Eye of the Tiger, a single aviator sunglass lens, and what Marco claims is “an ancient mall relic” (it’s a broken fidget spinner).
February 22, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Lost & Found update: One Bluetooth speaker blasting Eye of the Tiger, a single aviator sunglass lens, and what Marco claims is “an ancient mall relic” (it’s a broken fidget spinner).
The arcade is not a babysitting service. We repeat: THE ARCADE IS NOT A BABYSITTING SERVICE.
February 21, 2025 at 11:46 PM
The arcade is not a babysitting service. We repeat: THE ARCADE IS NOT A BABYSITTING SERVICE.
To the person hosting karaoke in the parking lot: your spirit is admired, your pitch is not.
February 19, 2025 at 11:42 PM
To the person hosting karaoke in the parking lot: your spirit is admired, your pitch is not.
Have you pre-ordered this definitely not cursed collection of poetry yet? The Sears Demon™️ will be pleased.
a.co/d/3wn1Vr0
a.co/d/3wn1Vr0
The Lamenting Mallrats Society - Kindle edition by Interns, The, Thistledown, Reginald P.. Literature & Fiction Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.
The Lamenting Mallrats Society - Kindle edition by Interns, The, Thistledown, Reginald P.. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note ...
a.co
February 16, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Have you pre-ordered this definitely not cursed collection of poetry yet? The Sears Demon™️ will be pleased.
a.co/d/3wn1Vr0
a.co/d/3wn1Vr0
We don’t know where the candy store used to be. No one does. It’s part of the mystery now.
February 16, 2025 at 4:58 PM
We don’t know where the candy store used to be. No one does. It’s part of the mystery now.
The mall music cut out for exactly 13 seconds. In the silence, we all heard the haunted doll laugh.
February 16, 2025 at 2:14 AM
The mall music cut out for exactly 13 seconds. In the silence, we all heard the haunted doll laugh.
We have to come clean. We took out the Duolingo Owl. It was the only way to bring the world back to the glory of the '90s. Mall culture will rise again. Food courts will thrive. Arcades will reign. You’re welcome.
February 14, 2025 at 1:50 AM
We have to come clean. We took out the Duolingo Owl. It was the only way to bring the world back to the glory of the '90s. Mall culture will rise again. Food courts will thrive. Arcades will reign. You’re welcome.
🚨 ATTENTION LAST-MINUTE LOVERS: There’s still time to find love (or at least someone who will share a soft pretzel with you) before Valentine’s Day.
Worst case? You could always fall for a slightly unhinged mall social media manager. DMs open. 💌
Worst case? You could always fall for a slightly unhinged mall social media manager. DMs open. 💌
February 14, 2025 at 1:24 AM
🚨 ATTENTION LAST-MINUTE LOVERS: There’s still time to find love (or at least someone who will share a soft pretzel with you) before Valentine’s Day.
Worst case? You could always fall for a slightly unhinged mall social media manager. DMs open. 💌
Worst case? You could always fall for a slightly unhinged mall social media manager. DMs open. 💌
The Duolingo Owl is dead. The haunted doll was present. We are not asking questions.
February 12, 2025 at 7:44 PM
The Duolingo Owl is dead. The haunted doll was present. We are not asking questions.
Happy Season Finale of Football Day to all who celebrate!
Who are we voting for?
Who are we voting for?
February 9, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Happy Season Finale of Football Day to all who celebrate!
Who are we voting for?
Who are we voting for?
🚨 UPDATE: The haunted doll has returned. We did not ask where it was. It knows we are afraid. It is enjoying this.
February 9, 2025 at 1:46 AM
🚨 UPDATE: The haunted doll has returned. We did not ask where it was. It knows we are afraid. It is enjoying this.
The Sears Demon™️ wants you to know there’s a great deal on clearance items today. We don’t know what that means. Come find out.
February 8, 2025 at 4:47 PM
The Sears Demon™️ wants you to know there’s a great deal on clearance items today. We don’t know what that means. Come find out.
ATTENTION: The mall river is now running in reverse. The coins are slowly rising back to the surface. Someone or something has denied the wishes.
February 7, 2025 at 3:16 PM
ATTENTION: The mall river is now running in reverse. The coins are slowly rising back to the surface. Someone or something has denied the wishes.
"You're so funny." Thanks, I’m a mall social media manager who answers customer complaints about store lights flickering with a straight face, while secretly wondering if they’ve spotted the other dimension.
February 7, 2025 at 2:35 AM
"You're so funny." Thanks, I’m a mall social media manager who answers customer complaints about store lights flickering with a straight face, while secretly wondering if they’ve spotted the other dimension.
If you hear a voice over the intercom offering "deals beyond your comprehension," DO NOT LISTEN. That is not a store promotion. That is the Sears Demon™️.
February 7, 2025 at 2:22 AM
If you hear a voice over the intercom offering "deals beyond your comprehension," DO NOT LISTEN. That is not a store promotion. That is the Sears Demon™️.
A new exit appeared in the food court. It is not on the blueprints. No one who has gone through has returned. Marco wants to investigate. We support him from a safe distance.
February 6, 2025 at 10:39 PM
A new exit appeared in the food court. It is not on the blueprints. No one who has gone through has returned. Marco wants to investigate. We support him from a safe distance.
We don’t care what TikTok said. The photo booth is not a portal to another dimension. It barely prints pictures.
February 5, 2025 at 5:32 PM
We don’t care what TikTok said. The photo booth is not a portal to another dimension. It barely prints pictures.
The haunted doll has been missing for three days. Mall security says they are “not concerned,” which is exactly what someone who has already been replaced by the doll would say.
February 4, 2025 at 4:54 PM
The haunted doll has been missing for three days. Mall security says they are “not concerned,” which is exactly what someone who has already been replaced by the doll would say.
Lost and found update: If you lost a single Heely and a very aggressive note about Auntie Anne’s pretzel prices, please see the management office.
February 3, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Lost and found update: If you lost a single Heely and a very aggressive note about Auntie Anne’s pretzel prices, please see the management office.