The crazy thing is i can't feel anything.

I don't get it. I went for a walk in nature after that. My body was there but my mind had switched off.

I've been ok ish for a while just trundling along on empty. Today I picked up a pack of sausages in the shop and a tiny voice in my head went, I should just die. No one will miss me. Then that was it. Nothing, just carried on empty headed to do my shopping.

Just went to docs. They asked... I said probably a 750ml bottle of vodka across two weeks. Doc said that's alot. Atleast I have a frame of reference. Now I know I drink ALOT alot.

Be the change you want to see.

it's not the ceiling it's in my eyes.

lying on the bed and the ceiling is starting to look like the into sequence to doctor who.

A day in. Last night I saw an insane amount of colours but it was like I had pulled them from old memories. Shapes that looked familiar. I need to get some coloured pencils.

Some Miami Vice. Jan Hammer what a perfect evening mix. Dip into a little bit of the Miami Vice 3 CD too.

No.4

Third airport drink. Still nowhere near boarding time.

What drink next? Hmm something less liquidy.

Sat in an airport bar. There is no greater level of chill before absolute anxiety.