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Opium Tea
@opiumtea.com
300 followers 510 following 140 posts
Diluting the trans panic with satirical gender fluid at opiumtea.com.

This account reposts the Opium Tea content from @alandriscoll.com.
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Stay tuned for Season 2.
June 19, 2025 at 10:07 PM
opiumtea.com
8/8.
The gout of blood was caught by his thrashing prop and sprayed back, a crimson rain. And so close was Rowling that it spattered on her goggles. With wide open gun, the Terry hurled itself down across the five miles to smash to deadly ruin. Rowling and Harris laughed joyously. They had worked that trick before. But today, their success was more important than ever. “Like I said, not today,” said Rowling, turning into a spiral to regain altitude. “Now let’s get these lesbians home.”
May 28, 2025 at 9:54 AM
opiumtea.com
7/8.
The force of the zoom died. The Muj realised his dilemma, for Rowling was descending like a comet. Desperately, the Muj tried to fall away and out of range, but his control surfaces were no longer sensitive. Fall away he did, but in a bad slip that left him helpless. Like a devil from hell, Rowling howled down upon the helpless Terry, who wriggled and dodged as the tracer sprayed him. He raised up, and showed a face contorted with horror. At that second a seven-slug burst caught him square in the neck and practically sawed his head off.
May 28, 2025 at 9:53 AM
opiumtea.com
6/8.
At the same instant the uprushing Muj opened fire. Rowling’s Vickers trembled on their mountings, a blue haze vomited from the black snouts. The golden tracer sprayed like sparks from an emery wheel. She never released the trips. Around her head, through the wings, into the whirl of her prop came the Ali Baba smoke tracer, little grey threads of death. Behind, the Lewis gun chattered like a mad monkey, and the Terry, replying, filled the air with staccato hammering. The Terry came up, and splashed into the shower of slugs that Rowling threw at him.
May 28, 2025 at 9:52 AM
opiumtea.com
5/8.
But the deadly Lewis shooting slugs like a mad thing forced the Muj to veer wide. The surprise had failed. “Not today, Terry,” said Rowling. “The LGB Alliance fights for all same-sex attracted people, and you’ll have to get up a lot earlier in the damn morning if you plan on pulling the wool over our eyes.” Rowling grinned, sharpened the bank, and nosed down at the Terry coming up like a skyrocket. Her own fingers tightened on the stick trigger. “Take it,” she muttered, and pressed the Bowden trip.
May 28, 2025 at 9:51 AM
opiumtea.com
4/8.
But before Kate had time to radio the base, down the sky, roaring like a banshee from hell, came a checkered Terry. Rowling had been droning at half throttle. A smash of her palm drove the lever against the peg, and the gunned Liberty screamed out its song. She straightened the bank, zoomed and made a reverse bank. At the same moment, Kate’s Lewis began to chatter like an electric typewriter. Even as the golden tracers spat toward the oncoming Terry, smoke tracer from the Ali Baba began to peck at the wings, ricocheting bluely off the cocking handles of Rowling’s Vickers, and ripped through strut and linen.
May 28, 2025 at 9:50 AM
opiumtea.com
3/8.
Rowling goosed the huge Liberty out of line, flipped into the wind and poured the gun to her. Sweetly, she took her off in a fast climbing turn and began to spiral for altitude. The ceiling was not so high and there were thick, cumulous clouds with holes in them. Holes through which Terry Taliban could spy on them, and make a surprise attack. But Rowling hugged close to them, and droned steadily on, working up to fourteen thousand feet. When a few Muj shells burst blackly below, she cut her gun and yelled: “Wireless O.K.?”
May 28, 2025 at 9:49 AM
opiumtea.com
2/8.
Rowling legged it into the cockpit and started checking her twin Vickers, moving the controls. Kate “Banger” Harris got in behind and looked over the Lewis gun mounted on the tourelle, before tying the little cords to Rowling’s arms, the cords with which she guided the pilot right or left as she was spotting shots. “Right!” Rowling suddenly swore, unfastened her safety belt and climbed down. “Dammit, I forgot my bottle. I’ll be right back.” She ran across the tarmac to the LGB Alliance camp and returned to belt herself in.
May 28, 2025 at 9:49 AM
opiumtea.com
1/8.
'Lesbian Rescue' - A J.K. Rowling Adventure.
May 28, 2025 at 9:45 AM
opiumtea.com
Comic strip: Graham Linehan, Civil Rights Hero.
May 18, 2025 at 10:34 AM
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Comic strip: Helen Joyce, Intellectual Giant.
May 14, 2025 at 10:44 AM
opiumtea.com
Judge orders Father Ted musical to go ahead right there in the courtroom; Graham Linehan found not guilty of all charges; awarded a hug from J.K. Rowling as compensation.
May 12, 2025 at 3:04 PM
opiumtea.com
Comic strip: Graham Linehan is "Defending Himself".
May 12, 2025 at 11:39 AM
opiumtea.com
Comic strip: Graham Linehan is "Defending Himself".
May 12, 2025 at 11:38 AM
opiumtea.com
Comic strip: Graham Linehan is "Defending Himself".
May 12, 2025 at 11:38 AM
opiumtea.com
Reposting this classic series for no reason.
Comic strip: Graham Linehan is "Defending Himself".
May 12, 2025 at 11:37 AM
opiumtea.com
Fun fact: Ricky Gervais name-searches former friend Robin Ince as well as himself to see what they're saying about him, giving you twice the opportunities to annoy him.
Ricky Gervais announces new Netflix special 'Keyjangling'.
May 8, 2025 at 10:48 AM
opiumtea.com
"Not like that, Stu. Not when you have to do anything. We meant make fun of Dave Chapelle eating a chicken."
May 8, 2025 at 10:43 AM
opiumtea.com
Stewart Lee and Richard Herring put their differences aside to unite in powerful display of ambivalence about transphobic abuse in the UK comedy scene.
May 8, 2025 at 10:28 AM
opiumtea.com
Graham Linehan found guilty of harassment and criminal damage, sentenced to two years with Rob Schneider.
May 1, 2025 at 12:03 AM
opiumtea.com
God proposes a series of updates to the design of the human body designed to end gender-based conflict, including eliminating sexual anxiety and shame by introducing separate penises for pissing and cumming.
April 22, 2025 at 5:52 PM
opiumtea.com
Trans woman with I.B.S. overjoyed to find herself at the mercy of humanity’s efforts to reconcile the psychological overlap between its reproductive and excretory bodily functions.
April 22, 2025 at 5:38 PM
opiumtea.com
Comic strip: Weekend at Bernsie's.
April 21, 2025 at 10:48 AM
opiumtea.com
Millions rejoice as satirical website relaunches.
April 21, 2025 at 10:44 AM
opiumtea.com
Comic strip: Wichita Linehan.
April 20, 2025 at 2:35 PM