"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the ...convenience."

-Mitch Hedberg (RIP)

When you didn’t read the book and get called on in class

Clearly the solution is to start using more expensive strings so the detergent becomes cost effective

You’ve got a valid point

“Rules are for losers”

That's how you get yourself an exemption! Suck it, small businesses.

There’s a spark in your hair!!

Just seeing “Trump” that close to the word “desires” in print makes my skin crawl

I hate it when that happens

Could you describe the ruckus, sir?