Caught that kid pretty square on the fist with his chin.
December 21, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Caught that kid pretty square on the fist with his chin.
He might poop his pants, and we know that washing one’s own bung is gay. So I foresee some problems.
December 21, 2025 at 12:50 AM
He might poop his pants, and we know that washing one’s own bung is gay. So I foresee some problems.
It’s probably best not to let your daughter sit on his lap. Everybody knows what Santa Trump wants in his stocking.
December 17, 2025 at 2:54 PM
It’s probably best not to let your daughter sit on his lap. Everybody knows what Santa Trump wants in his stocking.
That could’ve been me. I can’t believe I forgot to scatter debris all over the Caribbean.
December 16, 2025 at 4:22 PM
That could’ve been me. I can’t believe I forgot to scatter debris all over the Caribbean.
It played for two weeks at a drive in where I worked as a kid. Some of the employees would meet in the front and smoke grass until the light show, then we’d go back to work high as kites. Great fun.
December 16, 2025 at 1:54 AM
It played for two weeks at a drive in where I worked as a kid. Some of the employees would meet in the front and smoke grass until the light show, then we’d go back to work high as kites. Great fun.
He doesn’t even have to worry about anybody understanding his speeches.
December 15, 2025 at 10:39 PM
He doesn’t even have to worry about anybody understanding his speeches.
If only I knew how to make cars that incinerate their drivers and rockets that blow up over the Caribbean. Sigh.
December 15, 2025 at 10:28 PM
If only I knew how to make cars that incinerate their drivers and rockets that blow up over the Caribbean. Sigh.
He knows from personal experience: you slap an enormous bandage on your ear, and in a day or two it’ll be like nothing ever happened.
December 15, 2025 at 1:42 PM
He knows from personal experience: you slap an enormous bandage on your ear, and in a day or two it’ll be like nothing ever happened.
They “believe” it was cut down deliberately? Is it possible that someone standing near the tree while holding a running chainsaw, tripped or stumbled and cut it down accidentally?
December 12, 2025 at 3:57 PM
They “believe” it was cut down deliberately? Is it possible that someone standing near the tree while holding a running chainsaw, tripped or stumbled and cut it down accidentally?
If my wife ever referred to me as “my man” I believe I would choke on whatever I happened to be eating at that moment.
December 12, 2025 at 12:23 AM
If my wife ever referred to me as “my man” I believe I would choke on whatever I happened to be eating at that moment.
In the interest of being consistent, we should be able to see the effect in about two weeks.
December 10, 2025 at 12:18 AM
In the interest of being consistent, we should be able to see the effect in about two weeks.
“Went to Dartmouth” and “not stupid” is a false equivalency. As evidence, let me offer “Trump went to Fordham”.
December 10, 2025 at 12:14 AM
“Went to Dartmouth” and “not stupid” is a false equivalency. As evidence, let me offer “Trump went to Fordham”.
Just imagine George Washington starting anything by saying “if I’m honest”.
December 8, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Just imagine George Washington starting anything by saying “if I’m honest”.
I got a phone call a few years ago:
Me: Hello
Caller: Hi, this is Teresa, I’m calling from the Astrology Company
Me: What company?
C: Astrology. It’s a company of psychics.
Me: Oh. Can you tell what I’m thinking right now?
C: No, no! Don’t hang up!
Maybe there’s something to it after all.
Me: Hello
Caller: Hi, this is Teresa, I’m calling from the Astrology Company
Me: What company?
C: Astrology. It’s a company of psychics.
Me: Oh. Can you tell what I’m thinking right now?
C: No, no! Don’t hang up!
Maybe there’s something to it after all.
December 4, 2025 at 11:38 PM
I got a phone call a few years ago:
Me: Hello
Caller: Hi, this is Teresa, I’m calling from the Astrology Company
Me: What company?
C: Astrology. It’s a company of psychics.
Me: Oh. Can you tell what I’m thinking right now?
C: No, no! Don’t hang up!
Maybe there’s something to it after all.
Me: Hello
Caller: Hi, this is Teresa, I’m calling from the Astrology Company
Me: What company?
C: Astrology. It’s a company of psychics.
Me: Oh. Can you tell what I’m thinking right now?
C: No, no! Don’t hang up!
Maybe there’s something to it after all.
I’m pretty old, and I’ve had a lot of time to consider what I want as well as what I don’t want. Honestly, this didn’t make either list.
December 4, 2025 at 3:12 AM
I’m pretty old, and I’ve had a lot of time to consider what I want as well as what I don’t want. Honestly, this didn’t make either list.
Lecturing the Pope. Awesome.
December 3, 2025 at 12:25 AM
Lecturing the Pope. Awesome.
1) It didn’t happen. Fake news.
2) It happened but it wasn’t me.
3) It was me but I’m allowed.
4) Squirrel!
2) It happened but it wasn’t me.
3) It was me but I’m allowed.
4) Squirrel!
December 2, 2025 at 2:40 AM
1) It didn’t happen. Fake news.
2) It happened but it wasn’t me.
3) It was me but I’m allowed.
4) Squirrel!
2) It happened but it wasn’t me.
3) It was me but I’m allowed.
4) Squirrel!
It’s his new curated “Everyman” look.
December 1, 2025 at 3:04 AM
It’s his new curated “Everyman” look.
They can also be ne’er-do-wells and/or reprobates.
November 29, 2025 at 10:13 PM
They can also be ne’er-do-wells and/or reprobates.
I believe that in the olden days, a philosopher might sit down to a huge plate of eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, potatoes and toast with cheese & fruit on the side and tuck into it regardless of time of day. I think they’d just shrug it off. Enjoy your whatever you call it.
November 27, 2025 at 2:12 PM
I believe that in the olden days, a philosopher might sit down to a huge plate of eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, potatoes and toast with cheese & fruit on the side and tuck into it regardless of time of day. I think they’d just shrug it off. Enjoy your whatever you call it.
Did he make the announcement with mascara on or off?
November 26, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Did he make the announcement with mascara on or off?
1) We’re keeping the masks
2) We’re not wearing id
3) We’re cosplaying Navy Seals
4) We’re too fucking lazy to look for people ourselves
2) We’re not wearing id
3) We’re cosplaying Navy Seals
4) We’re too fucking lazy to look for people ourselves
November 25, 2025 at 10:39 PM
1) We’re keeping the masks
2) We’re not wearing id
3) We’re cosplaying Navy Seals
4) We’re too fucking lazy to look for people ourselves
2) We’re not wearing id
3) We’re cosplaying Navy Seals
4) We’re too fucking lazy to look for people ourselves