Occasionalities
@occasionalities.bsky.social
Retired author of 22 YA novels. Air Force vet. Leftist. Star Trek OG fan. Life’s a cosmic joke, and I’m the punchline.
Jonah 3:9
Then said Jonah,
“Nay, Lord! Not in my mouth—I am inside the whale itself, in the lower gastrointestinal vestibule!”
Then said Jonah,
“Nay, Lord! Not in my mouth—I am inside the whale itself, in the lower gastrointestinal vestibule!”
June 5, 2025 at 12:12 AM
Jonah 3:9
Then said Jonah,
“Nay, Lord! Not in my mouth—I am inside the whale itself, in the lower gastrointestinal vestibule!”
Then said Jonah,
“Nay, Lord! Not in my mouth—I am inside the whale itself, in the lower gastrointestinal vestibule!”
Jonah 3:7
And Jonah was sore afraid, and tried again, shouting:
“O Lord, thou art most glorious and—I said—I AM IN A WHALE!”
Jonah 3:8
But the Lord replied,
“YOU SOUND LIKE YOU’VE GOT A FUCKING WHALE IN YOUR MOUTH.”
And Jonah was sore afraid, and tried again, shouting:
“O Lord, thou art most glorious and—I said—I AM IN A WHALE!”
Jonah 3:8
But the Lord replied,
“YOU SOUND LIKE YOU’VE GOT A FUCKING WHALE IN YOUR MOUTH.”
June 5, 2025 at 12:11 AM
Jonah 3:7
And Jonah was sore afraid, and tried again, shouting:
“O Lord, thou art most glorious and—I said—I AM IN A WHALE!”
Jonah 3:8
But the Lord replied,
“YOU SOUND LIKE YOU’VE GOT A FUCKING WHALE IN YOUR MOUTH.”
And Jonah was sore afraid, and tried again, shouting:
“O Lord, thou art most glorious and—I said—I AM IN A WHALE!”
Jonah 3:8
But the Lord replied,
“YOU SOUND LIKE YOU’VE GOT A FUCKING WHALE IN YOUR MOUTH.”
Jonah 3:6
But the Lord heard him not clearly, and spake thus from the high throne of heaven:
“I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A FUCKING THING YOU’RE SAYING.”
But the Lord heard him not clearly, and spake thus from the high throne of heaven:
“I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A FUCKING THING YOU’RE SAYING.”
June 5, 2025 at 12:11 AM
Jonah 3:6
But the Lord heard him not clearly, and spake thus from the high throne of heaven:
“I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A FUCKING THING YOU’RE SAYING.”
But the Lord heard him not clearly, and spake thus from the high throne of heaven:
“I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A FUCKING THING YOU’RE SAYING.”
I have changed mine heart! I will go to Nineveh, I will preach thy word, I will even hug an Assyrian if it please thee!”
June 5, 2025 at 12:10 AM
I have changed mine heart! I will go to Nineveh, I will preach thy word, I will even hug an Assyrian if it please thee!”
Then did Jonah lift up his voice unto the Lord, praying thus:
“O Lord, my Redeemer, my Rock, my Customer Support Hotline — I have seen thy wrath and it stinketh of brine and cetacean interior! I beseech thee, deliver me from this fleshy tomb!
“O Lord, my Redeemer, my Rock, my Customer Support Hotline — I have seen thy wrath and it stinketh of brine and cetacean interior! I beseech thee, deliver me from this fleshy tomb!
June 5, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Then did Jonah lift up his voice unto the Lord, praying thus:
“O Lord, my Redeemer, my Rock, my Customer Support Hotline — I have seen thy wrath and it stinketh of brine and cetacean interior! I beseech thee, deliver me from this fleshy tomb!
“O Lord, my Redeemer, my Rock, my Customer Support Hotline — I have seen thy wrath and it stinketh of brine and cetacean interior! I beseech thee, deliver me from this fleshy tomb!
Jonah 3:4
And Jonah dwelt in the belly of the whale three days and three nights, surrounded by kelp, sardine spines, and the faintly racist graffiti of ancient mariners past.
Jonah 3:5
And Jonah dwelt in the belly of the whale three days and three nights, surrounded by kelp, sardine spines, and the faintly racist graffiti of ancient mariners past.
Jonah 3:5
June 4, 2025 at 11:56 PM
Jonah 3:4
And Jonah dwelt in the belly of the whale three days and three nights, surrounded by kelp, sardine spines, and the faintly racist graffiti of ancient mariners past.
Jonah 3:5
And Jonah dwelt in the belly of the whale three days and three nights, surrounded by kelp, sardine spines, and the faintly racist graffiti of ancient mariners past.
Jonah 3:5
Jonah 3:2
And the Lord prepared a great fish, which the marketing angels later rebranded as a whale, for merchandising purposes.
Jonah 3:3
And the whale did swallow up Jonah whole, as one might swallow a pill of great inconvenience, without chewing.
And the Lord prepared a great fish, which the marketing angels later rebranded as a whale, for merchandising purposes.
Jonah 3:3
And the whale did swallow up Jonah whole, as one might swallow a pill of great inconvenience, without chewing.
June 4, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Jonah 3:2
And the Lord prepared a great fish, which the marketing angels later rebranded as a whale, for merchandising purposes.
Jonah 3:3
And the whale did swallow up Jonah whole, as one might swallow a pill of great inconvenience, without chewing.
And the Lord prepared a great fish, which the marketing angels later rebranded as a whale, for merchandising purposes.
Jonah 3:3
And the whale did swallow up Jonah whole, as one might swallow a pill of great inconvenience, without chewing.
Jonah 3:1
And lo, Jonah was cast into the deep, for he had fled from the presence of the Lord and from the unpleasant smell of Nineveh, which was like unto a camel that had died in its sleep beside a curry merchant.
And lo, Jonah was cast into the deep, for he had fled from the presence of the Lord and from the unpleasant smell of Nineveh, which was like unto a camel that had died in its sleep beside a curry merchant.
June 4, 2025 at 11:52 PM
Jonah 3:1
And lo, Jonah was cast into the deep, for he had fled from the presence of the Lord and from the unpleasant smell of Nineveh, which was like unto a camel that had died in its sleep beside a curry merchant.
And lo, Jonah was cast into the deep, for he had fled from the presence of the Lord and from the unpleasant smell of Nineveh, which was like unto a camel that had died in its sleep beside a curry merchant.
The Book of Jonah (Apocryphal Extended Cut), Chapter 3, Verses 1–∞
King James-Adjacent Version (KJAV), with editorial liberties by a reliably celestial stenographer and one bitter angel.
⸻
King James-Adjacent Version (KJAV), with editorial liberties by a reliably celestial stenographer and one bitter angel.
⸻
June 4, 2025 at 11:50 PM
The Book of Jonah (Apocryphal Extended Cut), Chapter 3, Verses 1–∞
King James-Adjacent Version (KJAV), with editorial liberties by a reliably celestial stenographer and one bitter angel.
⸻
King James-Adjacent Version (KJAV), with editorial liberties by a reliably celestial stenographer and one bitter angel.
⸻
Because Today is Taco Too Day
(Doo-bie doo!)
And I just flushed the truth again—
(Wheeeee—SCREECH!)
[OUTRO – fade out with jazzy chaos]
Doobie doobie doobie doo—2025 is lookin’ blue…
But tacos still taste better than a truth-free coup!
⸻
(Doo-bie doo!)
And I just flushed the truth again—
(Wheeeee—SCREECH!)
[OUTRO – fade out with jazzy chaos]
Doobie doobie doobie doo—2025 is lookin’ blue…
But tacos still taste better than a truth-free coup!
⸻
June 4, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Because Today is Taco Too Day
(Doo-bie doo!)
And I just flushed the truth again—
(Wheeeee—SCREECH!)
[OUTRO – fade out with jazzy chaos]
Doobie doobie doobie doo—2025 is lookin’ blue…
But tacos still taste better than a truth-free coup!
⸻
(Doo-bie doo!)
And I just flushed the truth again—
(Wheeeee—SCREECH!)
[OUTRO – fade out with jazzy chaos]
Doobie doobie doobie doo—2025 is lookin’ blue…
But tacos still taste better than a truth-free coup!
⸻
[CHORUS – scat climax]
Zibbidy-zow!
I’m eatin’ treason now!
Big Macs in space!
Taco Tuesdays in The Hague somehow!
(Scat solo: “Woop-ba-doop, a-nuke-a-roup!”)
I’ll sign a coup with a ketchup pen
Declare it’s Tuesday once again!
Zibbidy-zow!
I’m eatin’ treason now!
Big Macs in space!
Taco Tuesdays in The Hague somehow!
(Scat solo: “Woop-ba-doop, a-nuke-a-roup!”)
I’ll sign a coup with a ketchup pen
Declare it’s Tuesday once again!
June 4, 2025 at 2:32 PM
[CHORUS – scat climax]
Zibbidy-zow!
I’m eatin’ treason now!
Big Macs in space!
Taco Tuesdays in The Hague somehow!
(Scat solo: “Woop-ba-doop, a-nuke-a-roup!”)
I’ll sign a coup with a ketchup pen
Declare it’s Tuesday once again!
Zibbidy-zow!
I’m eatin’ treason now!
Big Macs in space!
Taco Tuesdays in The Hague somehow!
(Scat solo: “Woop-ba-doop, a-nuke-a-roup!”)
I’ll sign a coup with a ketchup pen
Declare it’s Tuesday once again!
If justice calls—I’ll fake a fall
Declare a raid! Eat slaw! Install
A judge who thinks coup rhymes with law
(And it does, in Mar-a-Lawgoooo!)
⸻
Declare a raid! Eat slaw! Install
A judge who thinks coup rhymes with law
(And it does, in Mar-a-Lawgoooo!)
⸻
June 4, 2025 at 2:30 PM
If justice calls—I’ll fake a fall
Declare a raid! Eat slaw! Install
A judge who thinks coup rhymes with law
(And it does, in Mar-a-Lawgoooo!)
⸻
Declare a raid! Eat slaw! Install
A judge who thinks coup rhymes with law
(And it does, in Mar-a-Lawgoooo!)
⸻
So give me beans!
Explosive memes!
And spicy tweets with fascist themes!
I’ll deep-fry rights and drown the screams—
In sour cream!
(Doobie doo, oh please!)
⸻
Explosive memes!
And spicy tweets with fascist themes!
I’ll deep-fry rights and drown the screams—
In sour cream!
(Doobie doo, oh please!)
⸻
June 4, 2025 at 2:29 PM
So give me beans!
Explosive memes!
And spicy tweets with fascist themes!
I’ll deep-fry rights and drown the screams—
In sour cream!
(Doobie doo, oh please!)
⸻
Explosive memes!
And spicy tweets with fascist themes!
I’ll deep-fry rights and drown the screams—
In sour cream!
(Doobie doo, oh please!)
⸻
I want the fame, the flame, the phony crown
A kingdom made of strip mall towns
Where science dies and facts are just for show
With tacos packed in gilded wraps
While truth and honor take their naps
I’ll ban ’em all—except Tex-Mex and dough
⸻
A kingdom made of strip mall towns
Where science dies and facts are just for show
With tacos packed in gilded wraps
While truth and honor take their naps
I’ll ban ’em all—except Tex-Mex and dough
⸻
June 4, 2025 at 2:28 PM
I want the fame, the flame, the phony crown
A kingdom made of strip mall towns
Where science dies and facts are just for show
With tacos packed in gilded wraps
While truth and honor take their naps
I’ll ban ’em all—except Tex-Mex and dough
⸻
A kingdom made of strip mall towns
Where science dies and facts are just for show
With tacos packed in gilded wraps
While truth and honor take their naps
I’ll ban ’em all—except Tex-Mex and dough
⸻
Scoo-ba-da, doobie doobie
Foolin’ Rudy, chew a Qbie
Dip a lie in salsa sauce
Then sue me!
(Doobie doobie doo!)
Grift a peso, eat a Cray-o
Watch me flub a NATO play-o
Build a wall around my brain—
Then blame Trudeau!
(Doobie doo-bee doo!)
⸻
Foolin’ Rudy, chew a Qbie
Dip a lie in salsa sauce
Then sue me!
(Doobie doobie doo!)
Grift a peso, eat a Cray-o
Watch me flub a NATO play-o
Build a wall around my brain—
Then blame Trudeau!
(Doobie doo-bee doo!)
⸻
June 4, 2025 at 2:27 PM
Scoo-ba-da, doobie doobie
Foolin’ Rudy, chew a Qbie
Dip a lie in salsa sauce
Then sue me!
(Doobie doobie doo!)
Grift a peso, eat a Cray-o
Watch me flub a NATO play-o
Build a wall around my brain—
Then blame Trudeau!
(Doobie doo-bee doo!)
⸻
Foolin’ Rudy, chew a Qbie
Dip a lie in salsa sauce
Then sue me!
(Doobie doobie doo!)
Grift a peso, eat a Cray-o
Watch me flub a NATO play-o
Build a wall around my brain—
Then blame Trudeau!
(Doobie doo-bee doo!)
⸻
Oh, oobie doo!
I wanna dine like you
Sling tacos too!
Cheat and whine like you
Doobie doo!
An orange brute in boots so blue—
Just wants enchiladas
While he burns down law and truth
⸻
I wanna dine like you
Sling tacos too!
Cheat and whine like you
Doobie doo!
An orange brute in boots so blue—
Just wants enchiladas
While he burns down law and truth
⸻
June 4, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Oh, oobie doo!
I wanna dine like you
Sling tacos too!
Cheat and whine like you
Doobie doo!
An orange brute in boots so blue—
Just wants enchiladas
While he burns down law and truth
⸻
I wanna dine like you
Sling tacos too!
Cheat and whine like you
Doobie doo!
An orange brute in boots so blue—
Just wants enchiladas
While he burns down law and truth
⸻
⸻
Now I’m the king of the bull and bling
A cheeseburger Mussolini king
I tweet at dawn and golf all afternoon
But I want more than grifts and scams—
I want my hands on taco stands
’Cause Tuesdays, baby, they come far too soon
⸻
Now I’m the king of the bull and bling
A cheeseburger Mussolini king
I tweet at dawn and golf all afternoon
But I want more than grifts and scams—
I want my hands on taco stands
’Cause Tuesdays, baby, they come far too soon
⸻
June 4, 2025 at 2:24 PM
⸻
Now I’m the king of the bull and bling
A cheeseburger Mussolini king
I tweet at dawn and golf all afternoon
But I want more than grifts and scams—
I want my hands on taco stands
’Cause Tuesdays, baby, they come far too soon
⸻
Now I’m the king of the bull and bling
A cheeseburger Mussolini king
I tweet at dawn and golf all afternoon
But I want more than grifts and scams—
I want my hands on taco stands
’Cause Tuesdays, baby, they come far too soon
⸻