I have no regrets, which I suppose is better than most can say.

For now, I’ll continue on as I’ve tried to do and live with the many changes that come with life. I still yearn to create, so that is what I will do. It’s because of him I’m the nerd into the music and media I am today.

I’ve been getting better little by little, but recovery (& depression) feels much like a rollercoaster.

I’m not really sad & can’t bring myself to cry anymore. Death is simply part of the human experience and I accept that there is no changing things now.

I find that I can’t say that that is true. The past two weeks after saying goodbye, I’ve been extremely sick. Like a cruel parting gift, I continue to cough after months of hearing my loved one suffer with it nonstop (which stressed me tf out and basically gave me PTSD).

I turned 26 the other day. I’ve always hated birthdays. For many of the past years, I’d wished and pleaded (and planned) with Death to take me before reaching this age. This past year, I was doing better and had been planning to post on my birthday about how that wish had been forgotten, but now,

out and did everything I could to stop and reverse it. Though, I could tell he had given up several weeks before death. He passed on July 14th in an eerily similar (nearly the exact same) way to my grandmother. It was like reliving the experience at the hospital all over again.

He had stage 4 lung cancer (never smoked a day in his life, but his POS father did), which progressed and mutated after immunotherapy and an operation that was supposed to open his airway only made it smaller. I spent the most time with him in his last weeks, watched him deteriorate from the inside

the last few months I’ve spent becoming my dad’s caretaker, making sure he took his meds/supplements, did his daily tasks, making his meals and countless teas, etc. Our daily lives and routines had become deeply intertwined, so much so, that the roles of parent and child felt completely reversed.

repeatedly and tried to follow me inside before running away to the park around the corner. Thankfully, it was my new neighbor’s dog who’s just very friendly and escaped when their gate was left open. His name is Hank 😭 2/2

<3333

Ref.