Waiting for them to make it look like I had ended myself.

I was 20 and 21 and 22
Every year since I was 11 years old.
And every other year since I was younger then 6

I was prepared to die.
I made it somehow.
Every now and again, i am still prepared to die

I don't remember now, but at 15 I was prepared to die.

I was 16
I was 17
I was 18 and prepared to die.
I was prepared to die because I was told I would never live to see 19

I made it to 19 and was still prepared to die
Waiting for them to find me
Waiting for them to kill me

I was 11 when I was prepared to die
I was 12
I was 13
I was 14
I was 15 when I was prepared to die, this time at my own hands.
No one believed me, no matter how hard I screamed
No one believed me when I said who hurt me
No one wanted to believe someone was capable of these things.

I was 10 the second time I was prepared to die
Offered like a lamb for slaughter
I had no choice
I couldn't say no
They wouldn't have liked it if I said no
I somehow survived.