See you soon, Mom & Dad. You were the very best parents in the entire world 💔

The last thing I said to my dad was “see you soon”, and the last thing I said to my mom was also “see you soon.” Both times, I was so certain I would see them again in just a few days’ time.

Well… I will still see them soon, just, it’ll take a bit longer than a few days. 20-30 years maybe

Now I have to go on. I call myself “an elder orphan.” Finally truly on my own. o partner, no kids, so my folks were still my core family. All my holidays, every birthday & vacation.

(random thought: I am 80% sure I won’t get any more birthday presents in my life)

I gotta be stronger now.

My dad absolutely loved birds. I am not woo-woo at all but, the loons, the raven, the tanager… maybe… Maybe?

At the end, we gathered for a group picture and into the picture flew a scarlet tanager! Blazing bright red. Perched right above us. Thus is a very wild and shy bird. Never seen one so close.

Then my brother, the birder, saying “is that a raven?!?!” Sure enough a raven had come to our island. Croaking and quarking and doing all the crazy raven sounds.

We have never heard a raven there before, in 40 years there

They say ravens are messengers from the other world.

Two loons (my mom’s favorite! appeared just ~30 feet away. Calling & calling & calling. They don’t normally come that close, they don’t call in daytime.

At the lake: Holding a handful of ashes in my hand, thinking “these are the arms that hugged me so many times, this is all that’s left of those brilliant minds, those big hearts, those huge smiles”. Into the water…. Watching the white flecks fan out & scatter & fall, down into the water.

There’s a new generation now in that family. The kids saw my face at one particular moment & all zoomed over to give me the biggest tightest group hug ever 💕

I have really needed that hug, for six months now

My mom had brought hats & mittens & coats for all the kids. Spread ‘em all out at baggage claim & got all the kids bundled up. So many stories, so many journeys, so many times together

The eldest child of that family, now 67, describing how my mom & dad met them at JFK in 1968 to welcome them to the U.S. She was a little girl, there was a freak blizzard, & she got blown right off her feet in the parking lot! But my dad had her hand in his, & just carried her along in the air

My dad’s best friend describing the day they randomly first met in Lima, Peru, 62 years ago; they were best friends by afternoon & their wives were best friends by nightfall… They became my 2nd family

Making everybody my mom’s blueberry coffee cake, seeing their eyes light up all over again when they learned I had that recipe too! Then all they could talk about is how many times my mom & my dad had fed them all & hosted all the big parties

Making everybody my dad’s pisco sours, seeing their smiles when they learned he passed the recipe to me 2 years before he died! 🥹

later, same grandkids suddenly deciding they need to all get into the lake & swim the ashes farther out… I went with them. Even my sister, who can’t stand the cold water, plunged in & swam out with us!

watching the grandkids suddenly decide they needed to fill in the grave by hand… jfc

It actually was THE Joe Rogan!

And thanks. It’s been a brutal 18 months. I’m still just kind of lost. But I’ve got my bro & sis (and their random anecdotes!) & my friends. It all still feels very surreal though. Some days I still think I’ll wake up & find it was all just a bad dream

Big Chick is showing alula pin feathers. Thank you, @northernsparrow.bsky.social, for teaching me those terms :).

^The two eaglets are currently Big Chick (hatched 3/4) & Small Chick (3/8). Midnight PST is the last chance to submit name options!: www.friendsofbigbearvalley.org/fobbv-chick-....