Ghost of Norm Macdonald
@normmacdonald.bsky.social
Texas millionaire J. Howard Marshall may have died two months ago, but as we see here, he and wife Anna Nicole Smith can still enjoy a romantic evening at home.
November 19, 2025 at 2:20 AM
Texas millionaire J. Howard Marshall may have died two months ago, but as we see here, he and wife Anna Nicole Smith can still enjoy a romantic evening at home.
And finally... in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, a man allowed his eight-year old daughter to take the wheel of his car. And an accident ensued, that damaged seven other cars, and injured six people.
Which once again proves my theory:
Women can't drive.
Which once again proves my theory:
Women can't drive.
November 18, 2025 at 10:14 PM
And finally... in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, a man allowed his eight-year old daughter to take the wheel of his car. And an accident ensued, that damaged seven other cars, and injured six people.
Which once again proves my theory:
Women can't drive.
Which once again proves my theory:
Women can't drive.
At the White House this week, President Clinton officially came out against same-sex marriages.
What's more, the President said he is not too crazy about opposite-sex marriages, either.
What's more, the President said he is not too crazy about opposite-sex marriages, either.
November 18, 2025 at 6:27 PM
At the White House this week, President Clinton officially came out against same-sex marriages.
What's more, the President said he is not too crazy about opposite-sex marriages, either.
What's more, the President said he is not too crazy about opposite-sex marriages, either.
Earlier this week, actor Marlon Brando met with Jewish leaders to apologize for comments he made on Larry King Live. Among them that, quote, “Hollywood is run by Jews.”
The Jewish leaders accepted the actor’s apology, and announced that Brando is now free to work again.
The Jewish leaders accepted the actor’s apology, and announced that Brando is now free to work again.
November 18, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Earlier this week, actor Marlon Brando met with Jewish leaders to apologize for comments he made on Larry King Live. Among them that, quote, “Hollywood is run by Jews.”
The Jewish leaders accepted the actor’s apology, and announced that Brando is now free to work again.
The Jewish leaders accepted the actor’s apology, and announced that Brando is now free to work again.
At a press conference this week, Washington mayor Marion Barry said he wants private businesses to provide five thousand summer jobs for a district youth program.
He also wants some crack.
He also wants some crack.
November 18, 2025 at 4:54 PM
At a press conference this week, Washington mayor Marion Barry said he wants private businesses to provide five thousand summer jobs for a district youth program.
He also wants some crack.
He also wants some crack.
This week in the O.J. Simpson trial, after grisly photos of the murdered Nicole Brown Simpson were shown in court, O.J. turned his head away and wept.
It was at that moment that he realized...
He would never be able to kill her again.
It was at that moment that he realized...
He would never be able to kill her again.
November 17, 2025 at 10:45 PM
This week in the O.J. Simpson trial, after grisly photos of the murdered Nicole Brown Simpson were shown in court, O.J. turned his head away and wept.
It was at that moment that he realized...
He would never be able to kill her again.
It was at that moment that he realized...
He would never be able to kill her again.
(excitedly) Yippie!! Jerry Rubin died last week!!
(pauses, and looks down at his notes. Looks back up at the camera, somberly)
Oh, I'm sorry. That should read, "Yippie Jerry Rubin died last week."
Sorry about that. I'm sorry. My mistake completely. Just... I didn't read it right.
(pauses, and looks down at his notes. Looks back up at the camera, somberly)
Oh, I'm sorry. That should read, "Yippie Jerry Rubin died last week."
Sorry about that. I'm sorry. My mistake completely. Just... I didn't read it right.
November 17, 2025 at 10:07 PM
(excitedly) Yippie!! Jerry Rubin died last week!!
(pauses, and looks down at his notes. Looks back up at the camera, somberly)
Oh, I'm sorry. That should read, "Yippie Jerry Rubin died last week."
Sorry about that. I'm sorry. My mistake completely. Just... I didn't read it right.
(pauses, and looks down at his notes. Looks back up at the camera, somberly)
Oh, I'm sorry. That should read, "Yippie Jerry Rubin died last week."
Sorry about that. I'm sorry. My mistake completely. Just... I didn't read it right.
Well, Gary Busey left the hospital this week after overdosing on cocaine last Friday.
Doctors say Busey is okay, and he should be back in the hospital in no time.
Doctors say Busey is okay, and he should be back in the hospital in no time.
November 17, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Well, Gary Busey left the hospital this week after overdosing on cocaine last Friday.
Doctors say Busey is okay, and he should be back in the hospital in no time.
Doctors say Busey is okay, and he should be back in the hospital in no time.
In business news, this week K-Mart introduced its new credit card. And already, the chain has been swamped with applications.
So if you apply for a K-Mart credit card and are turned down, kill yourself.
So if you apply for a K-Mart credit card and are turned down, kill yourself.
November 17, 2025 at 10:04 PM
In business news, this week K-Mart introduced its new credit card. And already, the chain has been swamped with applications.
So if you apply for a K-Mart credit card and are turned down, kill yourself.
So if you apply for a K-Mart credit card and are turned down, kill yourself.
Basketball superstar Michael Jordan has scored a slam dunk with his new men's fragrance, selling one and a half million bottles of Michael Jordan Cologne in the first two months.
No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game.
It smells like Patrick Ewing.
No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game.
It smells like Patrick Ewing.
September 16, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Basketball superstar Michael Jordan has scored a slam dunk with his new men's fragrance, selling one and a half million bottles of Michael Jordan Cologne in the first two months.
No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game.
It smells like Patrick Ewing.
No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game.
It smells like Patrick Ewing.
To illustrate the point that their client is running out of money to defend himself, O.J. Simpson's lawyers said this week that if he had to do it over again... after killing his victims, O.J. would now rob them as well.
September 15, 2025 at 9:22 PM
To illustrate the point that their client is running out of money to defend himself, O.J. Simpson's lawyers said this week that if he had to do it over again... after killing his victims, O.J. would now rob them as well.
What comes next, you can't put back in a bottle.
September 10, 2025 at 9:37 PM
What comes next, you can't put back in a bottle.
No one should be celebrating what happened to Charlie Kirk.
Once you normalize political violence against your opponents, nothing is off the table. That’s not the kind of society anyone should want to live in.
And if you think it won’t happen to your side, you’re very naive.
Once you normalize political violence against your opponents, nothing is off the table. That’s not the kind of society anyone should want to live in.
And if you think it won’t happen to your side, you’re very naive.
September 10, 2025 at 8:48 PM
No one should be celebrating what happened to Charlie Kirk.
Once you normalize political violence against your opponents, nothing is off the table. That’s not the kind of society anyone should want to live in.
And if you think it won’t happen to your side, you’re very naive.
Once you normalize political violence against your opponents, nothing is off the table. That’s not the kind of society anyone should want to live in.
And if you think it won’t happen to your side, you’re very naive.
While performing in New York this week to a packed audience, Yoko Ono shocked the crowd by tearing up a Bible.
Most shocking of all?
Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.
Most shocking of all?
Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.
September 9, 2025 at 12:47 PM
While performing in New York this week to a packed audience, Yoko Ono shocked the crowd by tearing up a Bible.
Most shocking of all?
Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.
Most shocking of all?
Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.
At a rally in California this week, Bob Dole urged voters to ignore polls which have him trailing President Clinton by double digits.
In addition, Dole asked them to ignore newspaper headlines next Wednesday that say "Dole loses in landslide."
In addition, Dole asked them to ignore newspaper headlines next Wednesday that say "Dole loses in landslide."
September 8, 2025 at 10:16 PM
At a rally in California this week, Bob Dole urged voters to ignore polls which have him trailing President Clinton by double digits.
In addition, Dole asked them to ignore newspaper headlines next Wednesday that say "Dole loses in landslide."
In addition, Dole asked them to ignore newspaper headlines next Wednesday that say "Dole loses in landslide."
Due to a change in policy, Amtrak employees will no longer be able to kick homeless people out of Penn Station based on the way they look.
From now on, they will have to go solely on urine stench.
From now on, they will have to go solely on urine stench.
September 7, 2025 at 9:39 PM
Due to a change in policy, Amtrak employees will no longer be able to kick homeless people out of Penn Station based on the way they look.
From now on, they will have to go solely on urine stench.
From now on, they will have to go solely on urine stench.
A Nobel Prize winning scientist has been arrested on charges of sexually abusing a fifteen-year-old boy.
Though the arrest really shouldn't come as a big surprise. His Nobel Prize was in child molesting.
Though the arrest really shouldn't come as a big surprise. His Nobel Prize was in child molesting.
September 6, 2025 at 3:11 PM
A Nobel Prize winning scientist has been arrested on charges of sexually abusing a fifteen-year-old boy.
Though the arrest really shouldn't come as a big surprise. His Nobel Prize was in child molesting.
Though the arrest really shouldn't come as a big surprise. His Nobel Prize was in child molesting.
The Franklin Mint has announced plans to market a Princess Diana porcelain doll. And the timing of the move has made some people very unhappy.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste. And they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering:
Porcelain land mines.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste. And they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering:
Porcelain land mines.
September 5, 2025 at 12:41 PM
The Franklin Mint has announced plans to market a Princess Diana porcelain doll. And the timing of the move has made some people very unhappy.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste. And they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering:
Porcelain land mines.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste. And they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering:
Porcelain land mines.
In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling her she was "too fat to strip."
Police warn that the woman is armed, and extremely fat.
Police warn that the woman is armed, and extremely fat.
September 4, 2025 at 3:01 PM
In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling her she was "too fat to strip."
Police warn that the woman is armed, and extremely fat.
Police warn that the woman is armed, and extremely fat.
Last week in Cleveland, the rock group Crosby, Stills & Nash was inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame.
And in addition, a special lifetime achievement award was presented to David Crosby's liver.
Congratulations David Crosby's liver!
And in addition, a special lifetime achievement award was presented to David Crosby's liver.
Congratulations David Crosby's liver!
September 3, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Last week in Cleveland, the rock group Crosby, Stills & Nash was inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame.
And in addition, a special lifetime achievement award was presented to David Crosby's liver.
Congratulations David Crosby's liver!
And in addition, a special lifetime achievement award was presented to David Crosby's liver.
Congratulations David Crosby's liver!
At a press conference this week, Washington mayor Marion Barry said he wants private businesses to provide five thousand summer jobs for a district youth program.
He also wants some crack.
He also wants some crack.
September 3, 2025 at 7:05 PM
At a press conference this week, Washington mayor Marion Barry said he wants private businesses to provide five thousand summer jobs for a district youth program.
He also wants some crack.
He also wants some crack.
Last week in Colorado, seventy-one guns were traded for Denver Nuggets basketball tickets, in a program called "Operation Cease Fire."
However, in a sad example of just how tough it is to stop the violence, earlier today, two people were stabbed to death.
With Denver Nuggets tickets.
However, in a sad example of just how tough it is to stop the violence, earlier today, two people were stabbed to death.
With Denver Nuggets tickets.
September 3, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Last week in Colorado, seventy-one guns were traded for Denver Nuggets basketball tickets, in a program called "Operation Cease Fire."
However, in a sad example of just how tough it is to stop the violence, earlier today, two people were stabbed to death.
With Denver Nuggets tickets.
However, in a sad example of just how tough it is to stop the violence, earlier today, two people were stabbed to death.
With Denver Nuggets tickets.
In business news, American Express has announced plans to lay off three thousand workers.
According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
September 2, 2025 at 12:47 PM
In business news, American Express has announced plans to lay off three thousand workers.
According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
The 1997 "Most Dangerous Jobs in America" is out. And this year, a little bit of a change.
Last year's number one, West Coast Rap Star, has been knocked out of the top spot. By the NEW most dangerous job in America:
East Coast Rap Star.
Last year's number one, West Coast Rap Star, has been knocked out of the top spot. By the NEW most dangerous job in America:
East Coast Rap Star.
September 2, 2025 at 12:46 PM
The 1997 "Most Dangerous Jobs in America" is out. And this year, a little bit of a change.
Last year's number one, West Coast Rap Star, has been knocked out of the top spot. By the NEW most dangerous job in America:
East Coast Rap Star.
Last year's number one, West Coast Rap Star, has been knocked out of the top spot. By the NEW most dangerous job in America:
East Coast Rap Star.
Real estate mogul Donald Trump announced this week that after three and a half years of marriage, he is seeking a divorce from wife Marla Maples.
According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.
According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.
September 2, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Real estate mogul Donald Trump announced this week that after three and a half years of marriage, he is seeking a divorce from wife Marla Maples.
According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.
According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn thirty.