no_more_color
@nomorecolor.bsky.social
If I had scammed the government, that would mean I either convinced 9 separate doctors that I have a condition I don't have, or I convinced 9 separate doctors to risk their licenses, reputations and prison time to conspire with me to cheat the government out of a sum that a person can't live on.
February 11, 2026 at 8:23 AM
If I had scammed the government, that would mean I either convinced 9 separate doctors that I have a condition I don't have, or I convinced 9 separate doctors to risk their licenses, reputations and prison time to conspire with me to cheat the government out of a sum that a person can't live on.
In one of his specials, John Mulaney mentioned Dean Cain playing a criminal on SVU. He imagined witnesses coming in for a lineup and saying, "Is that Dean Cain?"
January 18, 2026 at 5:41 AM
In one of his specials, John Mulaney mentioned Dean Cain playing a criminal on SVU. He imagined witnesses coming in for a lineup and saying, "Is that Dean Cain?"
My brother would complain when he thought I said, "All is lost, hope is dead." Finally, I shouted, "No, deaf man! Hall is lost, Oates is dead!"
November 1, 2025 at 6:07 PM
My brother would complain when he thought I said, "All is lost, hope is dead." Finally, I shouted, "No, deaf man! Hall is lost, Oates is dead!"
I read about a guy who would tell telemarketers that he was about to call the suicide helpline, but maybe they could help him instead?
October 31, 2025 at 12:24 AM
I read about a guy who would tell telemarketers that he was about to call the suicide helpline, but maybe they could help him instead?
My brother complained when he thought I was saying, "All is lost, hope is dead." I finally shouted, "No, deaf man! Hall is lost, Oates is dead!"
October 31, 2025 at 12:18 AM
My brother complained when he thought I was saying, "All is lost, hope is dead." I finally shouted, "No, deaf man! Hall is lost, Oates is dead!"
When I'm creating, I'm too busy creating to label myself as a writer or whatever. The label of "writer" regarding me is only meaningful to people who are not me, and absolutely no one who is not me cares whether I create or not. The proposition is true, but meaningless in my case.
October 24, 2025 at 11:59 PM
When I'm creating, I'm too busy creating to label myself as a writer or whatever. The label of "writer" regarding me is only meaningful to people who are not me, and absolutely no one who is not me cares whether I create or not. The proposition is true, but meaningless in my case.
I would gladly have any of your baskets in my house. Except my house isn't good enough for them.
October 14, 2025 at 5:52 AM
I would gladly have any of your baskets in my house. Except my house isn't good enough for them.
One February, I had no heat in my house and the high temperature topped out at six below zero. I was wrapped in every blanket I own except the one the cat insisted was hers. She didn't snuggle up in it. She lay on top of it in the draftiest part of the house, smirking because she was covered in fur.
October 5, 2025 at 8:26 PM
One February, I had no heat in my house and the high temperature topped out at six below zero. I was wrapped in every blanket I own except the one the cat insisted was hers. She didn't snuggle up in it. She lay on top of it in the draftiest part of the house, smirking because she was covered in fur.
I would own an orphanage specifically so that orphan slave children would sign my books for me in exchange for gruel.
September 10, 2025 at 7:33 PM
I would own an orphanage specifically so that orphan slave children would sign my books for me in exchange for gruel.
I knew a British nanny who pronounced it goosepimples. She wasn't evil, but she was no Mary Poppins.
August 31, 2025 at 2:35 AM
I knew a British nanny who pronounced it goosepimples. She wasn't evil, but she was no Mary Poppins.
Around twelve years ago, physicists discovered the Higgs boson. Today, scientists spend a lot of time trying to convince flat earthers that the earth is spherical. We are regressing across the board.
August 23, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Around twelve years ago, physicists discovered the Higgs boson. Today, scientists spend a lot of time trying to convince flat earthers that the earth is spherical. We are regressing across the board.
I relate to not knowing what value my work has. I was pushed into opening a cabinetmaking business by well meaning but misguided voc rehab counselors and the venture failed because I couldn't tell customers why my lacquered termite barf was better than someone else's lacquered termite barf.
August 5, 2025 at 11:31 PM
I relate to not knowing what value my work has. I was pushed into opening a cabinetmaking business by well meaning but misguided voc rehab counselors and the venture failed because I couldn't tell customers why my lacquered termite barf was better than someone else's lacquered termite barf.
I know several people who would swear the correct word is "pediatric."
August 1, 2025 at 4:10 AM
I know several people who would swear the correct word is "pediatric."
Christopher Moore's novel Shakespeare for Squirrels features a character who is elite with malapropisms. Ironically, he would never get the word "malapropism" wrong because he doesn't know there is a word for his butchery of the language.
August 1, 2025 at 4:09 AM
Christopher Moore's novel Shakespeare for Squirrels features a character who is elite with malapropisms. Ironically, he would never get the word "malapropism" wrong because he doesn't know there is a word for his butchery of the language.
I like them; I tend to overuse them.
July 7, 2025 at 2:02 AM
I like them; I tend to overuse them.
"Moving the Earth," and "Heavy Equipment Repair." Two classics in the field of construction literature. My father does not read for pleasure.
June 17, 2025 at 8:07 PM
"Moving the Earth," and "Heavy Equipment Repair." Two classics in the field of construction literature. My father does not read for pleasure.
When my cat first moved in, we had a firm conversation about who the boss was. It wasn't me.
June 15, 2025 at 10:28 PM
When my cat first moved in, we had a firm conversation about who the boss was. It wasn't me.
There are "elite" college students who have never read an entire book, so I can imagine your coloring book in the hands of a child who takes credit for your work. Not that you are contributing to the downfall of civilization. We were there long before your delve into nostalgia.
June 9, 2025 at 12:25 AM
There are "elite" college students who have never read an entire book, so I can imagine your coloring book in the hands of a child who takes credit for your work. Not that you are contributing to the downfall of civilization. We were there long before your delve into nostalgia.
Sam Gross once had an editor hold up one of his cartoons and say, "Didn't I see this last week, Sam?" Gross replied, "Yeah, and you'll keep seeing it until you buy it!"
June 7, 2025 at 8:01 PM
Sam Gross once had an editor hold up one of his cartoons and say, "Didn't I see this last week, Sam?" Gross replied, "Yeah, and you'll keep seeing it until you buy it!"
There is a southeast Asian vampire whose head detaches from its body at night to fly off and prey on the unsuspecting. Your headache could come from worse places.
May 30, 2025 at 2:54 PM
There is a southeast Asian vampire whose head detaches from its body at night to fly off and prey on the unsuspecting. Your headache could come from worse places.