Noam DePlume
@noamdeplume.bsky.social
Enlist the cat in the impending class war
The great shitting is upon me. I must return to the sea from whence my kine emerged
July 20, 2025 at 1:56 AM
The great shitting is upon me. I must return to the sea from whence my kine emerged
I think this Chipotle gave me giardia
June 23, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I think this Chipotle gave me giardia
Jubilee is just gangbang porn for debate nerds
March 20, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Jubilee is just gangbang porn for debate nerds
Is it wrong to want to go to the butterfly conservatory for your bachelor party?
July 31, 2024 at 12:10 AM
Is it wrong to want to go to the butterfly conservatory for your bachelor party?
Fun fact: I've been to the place where Caesar was stabbed
March 15, 2024 at 5:44 PM
Fun fact: I've been to the place where Caesar was stabbed
Plato's cave allegory, but it's my parents in their suburban semi-detached watching the news
March 2, 2024 at 6:27 PM
Plato's cave allegory, but it's my parents in their suburban semi-detached watching the news
(To the tune of Ruby Soho)
🎶 Breakfast flavour unknown,
Opening a new can of cat food 🎶
🎶 Breakfast flavour unknown,
Opening a new can of cat food 🎶
March 2, 2024 at 11:16 AM
(To the tune of Ruby Soho)
🎶 Breakfast flavour unknown,
Opening a new can of cat food 🎶
🎶 Breakfast flavour unknown,
Opening a new can of cat food 🎶
Remembering the time a youth pastor in our church told us that he didn't believe in dinosaurs because they weren't mentioned in the bible and everyone proceeded to make fun of him for the next 30 minutes until it was time to leave
March 2, 2024 at 12:47 AM
Remembering the time a youth pastor in our church told us that he didn't believe in dinosaurs because they weren't mentioned in the bible and everyone proceeded to make fun of him for the next 30 minutes until it was time to leave
Please be advised that my cat is the best cat
February 19, 2024 at 11:55 PM
Please be advised that my cat is the best cat
Nachos are just deconstructed tacos
February 1, 2024 at 5:58 PM
Nachos are just deconstructed tacos
Concerned that rogaine is working but the hair is growing inward, strangling my brain
January 1, 2024 at 4:42 PM
Concerned that rogaine is working but the hair is growing inward, strangling my brain
I love all night fireworks when I have to be up at 5am
January 1, 2024 at 12:34 PM
I love all night fireworks when I have to be up at 5am
Last night I saw a fire dancer named Hot Carl.
Perfect stage name. No notes
Perfect stage name. No notes
December 22, 2023 at 5:36 PM
Last night I saw a fire dancer named Hot Carl.
Perfect stage name. No notes
Perfect stage name. No notes
People in my parent's neighbourhood when the chipotle opens: "We're gonna try that new mexican restaurant that just opened. Very exotic"
December 20, 2023 at 12:39 AM
People in my parent's neighbourhood when the chipotle opens: "We're gonna try that new mexican restaurant that just opened. Very exotic"
Why do I need an account and 2-factor verification to buy movie tickets?
December 3, 2023 at 4:03 PM
Why do I need an account and 2-factor verification to buy movie tickets?
Let's say, hypothetically, I got high on mushrooms and fed squirrels at the park...
November 28, 2023 at 10:02 PM
Let's say, hypothetically, I got high on mushrooms and fed squirrels at the park...
Can I sue my gym for showing daytime TV?
November 17, 2023 at 7:29 PM
Can I sue my gym for showing daytime TV?
Every time my partner goes into the office, he has to watch for her
November 2, 2023 at 8:45 PM
Every time my partner goes into the office, he has to watch for her
Why in god's name do so many languages have gendered nouns. If I say "der katze" you still know I mean "the cat". So who gives a shit?
October 27, 2023 at 1:17 PM
Why in god's name do so many languages have gendered nouns. If I say "der katze" you still know I mean "the cat". So who gives a shit?
[To the tune of Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny's Child]:
"I can take my pills
Gonna take my anxiety pills
Gotta take my crazy pills"
"I can take my pills
Gonna take my anxiety pills
Gotta take my crazy pills"
September 30, 2023 at 10:19 PM
[To the tune of Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny's Child]:
"I can take my pills
Gonna take my anxiety pills
Gotta take my crazy pills"
"I can take my pills
Gonna take my anxiety pills
Gotta take my crazy pills"
Do you think ghouls like to make cotton candy out of spider webs?
September 27, 2023 at 7:33 PM
Do you think ghouls like to make cotton candy out of spider webs?