Sometimes talking to a woman is like training a dog - except I’m the dog and instead of a dog it’s having nervous attachment issues

Sorry mom, I won’t be home for dinner. I’m learning things from the woods

Straight up gorping it in the parks.

And by gorping I mean good old raisins and peanits

And by peanits

Let’s just say peanuts

I’m sorry but if you won’t cancel your Amazon Prime so you can keep watching Invincible you are NOT punk

Reminder that if you don’t do something to help you community on at least a monthly basis, then you are doing something wrong

Is it barbecue or or barbequeue?

Constipation

Diarrhea

Neat thing about listening to prog rock is you can go “wow this is a great song” and look at what it is and then twenty minutes later go “wow this is a neat song wonder what it is” and it’s the same song.

I want to bully people with bad takes

Any road is a crosswalk if you’re brave enough