Nikki B
@nikkic2h6o.bsky.social
suburban stay-at-home mom • freelance art model
My 4.5yr-old daughter: “Are those the frog’s arms, right above his vulva?”
Me: “Ummm… Well, most boys don’t have… I mean frogs are amphibians, so… Yes, those are his arms.”
We’re all just winging it.
Me: “Ummm… Well, most boys don’t have… I mean frogs are amphibians, so… Yes, those are his arms.”
We’re all just winging it.
October 22, 2025 at 12:38 PM
My 4.5yr-old daughter: “Are those the frog’s arms, right above his vulva?”
Me: “Ummm… Well, most boys don’t have… I mean frogs are amphibians, so… Yes, those are his arms.”
We’re all just winging it.
Me: “Ummm… Well, most boys don’t have… I mean frogs are amphibians, so… Yes, those are his arms.”
We’re all just winging it.
Why do I have This Kiss by Faith Hill stuck in my head!?
Oh yeah, I used a salad spinner earlier.
Oh yeah, I used a salad spinner earlier.
August 14, 2025 at 8:28 PM
Why do I have This Kiss by Faith Hill stuck in my head!?
Oh yeah, I used a salad spinner earlier.
Oh yeah, I used a salad spinner earlier.
My child just projectile vomited into my ear. Now that we’re both cleaned up and she’s sleeping comfortably, I’m just going to go scream in the street until someone slaps me across the face, because MY CHILD JUST PROJECTILE VOMITED INTO MY EAR.
a cartoon of homer simpson screaming with his mouth open
ALT: a cartoon of homer simpson screaming with his mouth open
media.tenor.com
June 25, 2025 at 2:01 AM
My child just projectile vomited into my ear. Now that we’re both cleaned up and she’s sleeping comfortably, I’m just going to go scream in the street until someone slaps me across the face, because MY CHILD JUST PROJECTILE VOMITED INTO MY EAR.
Hey you! Stop fucking doomscrolling! Go drink some water and do something productive, you stupid bitch!!!
a man in a green sweater is looking at himself in a mirror
ALT: a man in a green sweater is looking at himself in a mirror
media.tenor.com
January 24, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Hey you! Stop fucking doomscrolling! Go drink some water and do something productive, you stupid bitch!!!
Last night my kiddo found a stash of peppermints and root beer barrels from Christmas. I told her she couldn’t have any, because it’s “grownup candy.”
As soon as we walked into daycare this morning, she told her teacher all about mom and dad’s “grownup candy” that she’s not allowed to have. 🫠 Oops.
As soon as we walked into daycare this morning, she told her teacher all about mom and dad’s “grownup candy” that she’s not allowed to have. 🫠 Oops.
January 17, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Last night my kiddo found a stash of peppermints and root beer barrels from Christmas. I told her she couldn’t have any, because it’s “grownup candy.”
As soon as we walked into daycare this morning, she told her teacher all about mom and dad’s “grownup candy” that she’s not allowed to have. 🫠 Oops.
As soon as we walked into daycare this morning, she told her teacher all about mom and dad’s “grownup candy” that she’s not allowed to have. 🫠 Oops.
Putting lipstick on the pig that is my hundred-year-old Sears house. FUCK HORSEHAIR PLASTER.
Send help and liquor.
Send help and liquor.
January 11, 2025 at 10:01 PM
Putting lipstick on the pig that is my hundred-year-old Sears house. FUCK HORSEHAIR PLASTER.
Send help and liquor.
Send help and liquor.
Real quick question — why is Michael Keaton so hot?
January 6, 2025 at 3:32 AM
Real quick question — why is Michael Keaton so hot?
Covid has turned to bronchitis, and now I’m on prednisone for the next five days.
My house is about to be SO clean, and my family is about to be SO annoyed with me. 🫠
My house is about to be SO clean, and my family is about to be SO annoyed with me. 🫠
December 27, 2024 at 6:04 AM
Covid has turned to bronchitis, and now I’m on prednisone for the next five days.
My house is about to be SO clean, and my family is about to be SO annoyed with me. 🫠
My house is about to be SO clean, and my family is about to be SO annoyed with me. 🫠
My daughter just asked me to sing Radio Ga Ga for our bedtime song tonight. It was one of the proudest moments of my life. 🥹
a man singing into a microphone in front of a large crowd
ALT: a man singing into a microphone in front of a large crowd
media.tenor.com
December 21, 2024 at 12:53 AM
My daughter just asked me to sing Radio Ga Ga for our bedtime song tonight. It was one of the proudest moments of my life. 🥹
I really, honestly thought that I was going to be the one person in my household who managed to avoid covid this week. I was SO confident.
What a fucking dingdong. 😷
What a fucking dingdong. 😷
December 19, 2024 at 1:26 PM
I really, honestly thought that I was going to be the one person in my household who managed to avoid covid this week. I was SO confident.
What a fucking dingdong. 😷
What a fucking dingdong. 😷
I was washing my hands just now, and my 3.5-year-old came running into the kitchen to remind me, matter-of-factly, “We pay for that water!”
I knew I would become my mother someday, but I was NOT expecting to become my stepfather. Yikes.
I knew I would become my mother someday, but I was NOT expecting to become my stepfather. Yikes.
December 6, 2024 at 8:37 PM
I was washing my hands just now, and my 3.5-year-old came running into the kitchen to remind me, matter-of-factly, “We pay for that water!”
I knew I would become my mother someday, but I was NOT expecting to become my stepfather. Yikes.
I knew I would become my mother someday, but I was NOT expecting to become my stepfather. Yikes.
Pat Benatar: Guys, child abuse is awful. Let’s write a song about it.
Her Band: Totally. A sad song, right? Like, in a minor key?
Pat Benatar: No — it’s going to be a fucking BANGER.
Her Band: Totally. A sad song, right? Like, in a minor key?
Pat Benatar: No — it’s going to be a fucking BANGER.
November 23, 2024 at 4:00 AM
Pat Benatar: Guys, child abuse is awful. Let’s write a song about it.
Her Band: Totally. A sad song, right? Like, in a minor key?
Pat Benatar: No — it’s going to be a fucking BANGER.
Her Band: Totally. A sad song, right? Like, in a minor key?
Pat Benatar: No — it’s going to be a fucking BANGER.
Am I ever going to be able to open this app without getting that Allman Brothers song stuck in my head for the next six hours? Time will tell.
November 21, 2024 at 6:36 PM
Am I ever going to be able to open this app without getting that Allman Brothers song stuck in my head for the next six hours? Time will tell.