Scoping out the flight before takeoff to see where the whitest people on the plane are, gonna start making bets on if they clap when we land

The Rothschild family delaying the 5 train three days in a row to make my commute as dogshit as possible

With the amount of bangers Robert Pattinson’s been in for the past few years, I’m starting to think he’s repaying his debt to society for being in Twilight and permanently altering the minds of Gen Z. Keep it up though brother we love to see it

I don’t think I’ve ever listened to the Serving Size in my life but the one thing that it makes sense with is sour candy. Like damn maybe I should have 20 Sour Patch Kids instead of eating them until my mouth hurts

Local cat tries to eat Dorito bag like a DUM DUM

Jake the Dog meets Spider Man

Remembering how one unit in my 9th grade English was us listening to a true crime podcast and being tested on it why the fuck did the school let my teacher do that

Me adding Weird Al, Metal Gear Rising OST, and Sabrina Carpenter to my 500 song main playlist at 3am

Groundhog Day functions on Polar Express rules, if you believe it works then it works. That being said, Staten Island Chuck is the GOAT and puts Punxsutawney Phil to shame

Jackson Galaxy looks like if Walter White lived in Seattle and was bisexual

Feeling the runny nose and tingle in the back of my throat, got me microdosing DayQuil

How come every headline I see about rising illnesses is like

BREAKING NEWS: New virus is on the rise! Big Scary, come get you night time! Doctors Recommend: Washing your hands and not open mouth kissing people who are sick

Marvel Rivals absolutely ruined my brain because now I can’t see the word “Again” without hearing Bucky Barnes scream it in my head

How I feel after following my whole Twitter feed on here and being 90% ready to jump ship

I’ve arrived from the old country to find content