This is why I only go to the Alamo Drafthouse.
(And if you tell me that this happened at an Alamo, I'm going to cry.)

I deeply want a reporter to ask her “how do you think this all ends for you?”

100%. Sharing media is intended to form a bond over mutual appreciation for said media. It's seeking approval and connection by sharing artistic passion. Though it can also be, like the Funny Games situation "I am giving zero thought to you and your experience, so let's watch this."

Oh crap, it’s this Saturday?

How about a crossover like the doomed Greeley expedition of 1881, where pro wrestling star Clarence Whistler’s brother William died and was partially eaten by his fellow explorers?

It was 2019, so you just barely missed it!

We had them at the theater several years ago. An amazing, but criminally under attended show.

Only to give him a high five for a job well done!

“And any infraction, including the dress code, will result in being dragged under the USS Flagg until you drown.”
“Now we know!”
“And knowing is half the battle.”

*menacingly ties a rope into a looped knot.*

Or admiral Keel-Haul, who is named after a horrifying form of maritime execution.