I'm not making these posts to get pity, or condolences. I just needed to vent, and to remind everyone to cherish the time you have with loved ones. Every little thing counts, even just a simple, random, phone call. Because you never know when it'll just be...gone

And now all I'm left with is guilt. Guilt and anger at myself for not doing everything I could to make the time for a family member who had, without fail, been there for me, and it tears me to shreds.

I could never make the time. I could never keep the money together to make the trip. Couldn't take the time off work. I couldn't do this, I couldn't do that. All these things that just kept piling on each other more and more and more and more...

The last time we talked she asked if I'd be able to make the drive down to see her, since I hadn't been back in town in awhile. I told her I'd try if I had the time. That was two months ago. I spoke to her for the last time...two months ago.

And now...there's nothing. No more phone calls out of the blue asking how everything is, no more texts about her favorite football team, no more questions about how to get her smartphone to work...it's just..gone...and I feel like I took it all for granted.

She had been a constant part of my life, who had helped in my roughest times no matter what, who had helped in every way, shape, or form when I had felt I had hit rock bottom...and she never asked for anything in return.

I’m entirely aware of how desperate reposting this is, or the wall of text, but I wouldn’t be doing this if I weren’t entirely desperate. I don’t like asking for help, I feel like I’m failing myself by doing this but please, again, anything helps

Anything helps, especially with it all going towards giving me a means to survive. The vehicle I’m currently using is my roommates, and once they move I’m entirely fucked since I’m required to use a personal vehicle for one of my jobs.