#13 (bonus): Musk Duck
Weird throat wattle. Doesn't smell good. Literally has "Musk" in its name. Yet believe it or not, this bird is not dismantling the democratic order.
#13 (bonus): Musk Duck
Weird throat wattle. Doesn't smell good. Literally has "Musk" in its name. Yet believe it or not, this bird is not dismantling the democratic order.
#12: Greater Prairie-Chicken
Not a chicken, no matter what it tells you. Possible fashion inspo for J6 insurrectionists? Should probably get that neck thing checked out. But hasn't given up on America.
#12: Greater Prairie-Chicken
Not a chicken, no matter what it tells you. Possible fashion inspo for J6 insurrectionists? Should probably get that neck thing checked out. But hasn't given up on America.
#11: Wild Turkey
TBH this one comes closest to being a true chaos agent. Will 100% attack you without provocation. Nevertheless, sees value in the rule of law.
#11: Wild Turkey
TBH this one comes closest to being a true chaos agent. Will 100% attack you without provocation. Nevertheless, sees value in the rule of law.
#10: Eared Grebe
That eye is just not trustworthy. Also, wouldn't it be weirder if it *weren't* "eared"? Not exactly a distinctive characteristic. But despite obvious shortcomings, not an enemy of the state.
#10: Eared Grebe
That eye is just not trustworthy. Also, wouldn't it be weirder if it *weren't* "eared"? Not exactly a distinctive characteristic. But despite obvious shortcomings, not an enemy of the state.
#9: Green Honeycreeper
Wears a mask *all the time* and literally has "creeper" right there in the name. But not a fan of fascism or kleptocracy.
#9: Green Honeycreeper
Wears a mask *all the time* and literally has "creeper" right there in the name. But not a fan of fascism or kleptocracy.
#8: Emu
Terrible sense of style. Probably thinks it's better than you. Yet when it comes to preserving the democratic order, a reliable ally.
#8: Emu
Terrible sense of style. Probably thinks it's better than you. Yet when it comes to preserving the democratic order, a reliable ally.
#7: Wood Duck
Has less-than-progressive sexual attitudes. Definitely into some weird shit. But 100% voted for Kamala.
#7: Wood Duck
Has less-than-progressive sexual attitudes. Definitely into some weird shit. But 100% voted for Kamala.
#6: Double-crested Cormorant
Too many vices to list. But not on that list: tearing apart the fabric of our country.
#6: Double-crested Cormorant
Too many vices to list. But not on that list: tearing apart the fabric of our country.
#5: Rainbow Lorikeet
Has "rainbow" in its name. Basically a flying Pride flag. Not involved in any way in the dismantling of the democratic order.
#5: Rainbow Lorikeet
Has "rainbow" in its name. Basically a flying Pride flag. Not involved in any way in the dismantling of the democratic order.
#4: Cattle Tyrant
Comes from somewhere in South America. Literally called "tyrant." But actually supports democracy, accountability, and the rule of law.
#4: Cattle Tyrant
Comes from somewhere in South America. Literally called "tyrant." But actually supports democracy, accountability, and the rule of law.
#3: Bushtit
Name is *probably* obscene. Travels in large, noisy flocks. Suspicious look (what is it hiding?). However, does not appear to be involved in any attempts to undermine the federal government.
#3: Bushtit
Name is *probably* obscene. Travels in large, noisy flocks. Suspicious look (what is it hiding?). However, does not appear to be involved in any attempts to undermine the federal government.
#2: Black Vulture
Definitely up to no good. Has a taste for rubber seals around windshields. But no taste for the end of democracy.
#2: Black Vulture
Definitely up to no good. Has a taste for rubber seals around windshields. But no taste for the end of democracy.