i get off work and melanie says something to me and it takes me like 3 minutes to process it because i have someone talking directly into my ear all day . my brain hurts

they weren't lying abt school just existing to prep you for 40 hour work weeks i am right back in "i just gotta get thru the week" mode like when i was a kid

i love you too weh... sorry for being so miserable last night i had a turboshit day yesterday 😭

it's been Years since i so much as spoke to my mother and longer for my father but they are straight up just haunting my brain full time and idk if i'll ever learn to take my own pain seriously before it's at a breaking point. w/e i need to go to sleep

the only people i think i could live with are like . dave and gremmy. who are in texas. or my mother in law which is an emergency only situation. idk man can we just make some more money so everything doesn't feel so fucking scary

it feels pointless to even gripe abt it but idk what else to do lmao

idk i feel like i'm circling the drain. it's really hard to feel like my physical state will ever get any better when i have to go sit at a computer 8 hrs and gain more pain most days a week. and i have to keep working forever or we'll be cooked. woe is me capitalism functioning as intended ig

which notoriously makes me sick and sore and unpleasant and i'm TIREEED... i was planning a day off tmrw to recover but now i'm second guessing myself because idk if the time spent resting is worth the money lost. i feel like it's not bc i'm not even sure how much taking a day will help

i've been ambiently stressed and really bad off disability wise for months due to unemployment and there was a brief bright spot when i got hired but the first week of my job was spent violently ill to the point of barely being human. and then i recovered from that and got on my period.

YEAH ... i love ingame rp for the ambiance + ability to see the characters directly but the limitations... they're limiting...

somewhere in the intersection of jou kido, takeru, and ken lives a melanie who watched digimon when she was young and was understood

i'm normal now tho it's chill

did you know that not sleeping or eating makes you feel like shit ? imagine

i love you... thank you for being proud of me...

wehh thank you... my first 2 hrs have actually been taken up by tech support issues LOL so i've been going over things and feel a bit better

crying weeping sniffling... ur right..

every time i verbalize it it seems less serious but i feel like a baby at hibachi rn

i got a fair amt of training on the user-facing bit but Two Seconds of training in the system we use, which has the worst ui + visual clutter i've ever seen in my life . and i am so scared i'm gonna click everything wrong and explode someone on accident