R. Jay Hoffman
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nearzeroblog.bsky.social
R. Jay Hoffman
@nearzeroblog.bsky.social
Writer of philosophical fiction, essays, and poetry, including the serial novel; Author.
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The Woman Who Soaked My Balls

I had to go real bad I didn't even notice I walked into the ladies' restroom
The Woman Who Soaked My Balls
I had to go real bad I didn't even notice I walked into the ladies' restroom
nearzeroblog.com
If Solzhenitsyn Had Written Hogan’s Heroes, and The Sandwich Pickle

I like Subway, but four Sandwiches unto myself equals a burgeoning ecosystem arising from the soggy leavened bread, droopy vegetables, and slimy meat.
If Solzhenitsyn Had Written Hogan’s Heroes, and The Sandwich Pickle
I like Subway, but four Sandwiches unto myself equals a burgeoning ecosystem arising from the soggy leavened bread, droopy vegetables, and slimy meat.
nearzeroblog.com
December 26, 2025 at 10:22 AM
Neurodivergence in Free Verse

I have always embraced my neurodivergence, even if at times others and I are put off by it. It can feel like being outside myself, watching myself say or do something I thought I opposed. At the same time, this dichotomy serves to strengthen my empathy towards those…
Neurodivergence in Free Verse
I have always embraced my neurodivergence, even if at times others and I are put off by it. It can feel like being outside myself, watching myself say or do something I thought I opposed. At the same time, this dichotomy serves to strengthen my empathy towards those with whom I occasionally disagree.I have so many blind spots, especially with punctuation and editing, because the sands are constantly shifting beneath the sentences. Grammarly is always asking if I really want to say something this way or that, and I am constantly saying, “I wish this were for the last time, but YES!!!” Because my shit may be clunky doggerel, but at least it’s poetic.
nearzeroblog.com
December 22, 2025 at 11:40 AM
You are a Dumbass! – My Second Person Rightly Scolded

No one is born with a blank slate. As soon as we gather awareness, we find our genetics already in action. Mind in action. Language acquisition functioning and churning. No make-believe, no two exactly alike. Because the mechanism is already…
You are a Dumbass! – My Second Person Rightly Scolded
No one is born with a blank slate. As soon as we gather awareness, we find our genetics already in action. Mind in action. Language acquisition functioning and churning. No make-believe, no two exactly alike. Because the mechanism is already running, we become aware.
nearzeroblog.com
December 21, 2025 at 9:58 AM
Forever is Not a Thing

Forever is not a thing A place, or a score There are no stares in the quiver
Forever is Not a Thing
Forever is not a thing A place, or a score There are no stares in the quiver
nearzeroblog.com
December 20, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Creating Paragraphs in the Block Editor

The WordPress block editor is a pain in the ass because the default block is set to paragraph. This is why I see so many posts in a run-on, block writing format. You need to paste in plain text to preserve your paragraph formatting, because if you click…
Creating Paragraphs in the Block Editor
The WordPress block editor is a pain in the ass because the default block is set to paragraph. This is why I see so many posts in a run-on, block writing format. You need to paste in plain text to preserve your paragraph formatting, because if you click PASTE, the input is treated as HTML and isn't translated correctly.
nearzeroblog.com
December 18, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Sitting In the Sweet Spot

I have seen the glory of the coming of the sword that religious technology will bring, with NFTs and magic chants, led by AI, singing, and giving blessings.
Sitting In the Sweet Spot
I have seen the glory of the coming of the sword that religious technology will bring, with NFTs and magic chants, led by AI, singing, and giving blessings.
nearzeroblog.com
December 15, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Confessions of a Blog Reader

Every reader is like a publisher to whom you are submitting your post. Your content may not fit their perspective at the moment. It isn’t their privilege to read you. If I like what I see, it has nothing to do with your ability, your humanity, or anything within your…
Confessions of a Blog Reader
Every reader is like a publisher to whom you are submitting your post. Your content may not fit their perspective at the moment. It isn’t their privilege to read you. If I like what I see, it has nothing to do with your ability, your humanity, or anything within your control. It is about my mood and milieu at the time.
nearzeroblog.com
December 14, 2025 at 3:03 AM
Cabbage – The Preferred Vegetable of Dumpsters

The old man, reminded of Nietzsche and the horse, yells at the dog. "Stop! Don’t you remember that we drained the blood From all the graves?"
Cabbage – The Preferred Vegetable of Dumpsters
The old man, reminded of Nietzsche and the horse, yells at the dog. "Stop! Don’t you remember that we drained the blood From all the graves?"
nearzeroblog.com
December 11, 2025 at 10:39 PM
I Space the Day

I space the day by the length of a song. 4:17, 3:37, 11:31. Almost twenty minutes, if you let the notes linger til morning break.
I Space the Day
I space the day by the length of a song. 4:17, 3:37, 11:31. Almost twenty minutes, if you let the notes linger til morning break.
nearzeroblog.com
December 2, 2025 at 2:55 PM
He Said His Name Was Art

Every day, the man is given a sandwich by his caregiver to eat in the park with the birds while she cleans his room
He Said His Name Was Art
Every day, the man is given a sandwich by his caregiver to eat in the park with the birds while she cleans his room
nearzeroblog.com
November 29, 2025 at 6:39 PM
A Windy Brush Stroke
A Windy Brush Stroke
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November 28, 2025 at 9:40 AM
The Poem No One Wanted to Read

Never use a title like "I Saw a UFO..." The association with the psychotic is too deeply ingrained because of the infinite number of "alternative" science news (science reality?) podcasts, newsletters, and websites. No offense to anyone and their personal experiences.
The Poem No One Wanted to Read
Never use a title like "I Saw a UFO..." The association with the psychotic is too deeply ingrained because of the infinite number of "alternative" science news (science reality?) podcasts, newsletters, and websites. No offense to anyone and their personal experiences.
nearzeroblog.com
November 26, 2025 at 9:02 PM
Enchanter

I am the bearer of low-hanging fruit In my presence, others succumb To their indifference
Enchanter
I am the bearer of low-hanging fruit In my presence, others succumb To their indifference
nearzeroblog.com
November 25, 2025 at 12:37 PM
A Note On Portland 2175

Each chapter in Portland 2175 is designed to be a stand-alone, object-narrated story that fits within the serial. The problem with writing with LLMs is that whenever you ask them to “produce” after editing, they are likely to introduce changes to the story and dialogue, the…
A Note On Portland 2175
Each chapter in Portland 2175 is designed to be a stand-alone, object-narrated story that fits within the serial. The problem with writing with LLMs is that whenever you ask them to “produce” after editing, they are likely to introduce changes to the story and dialogue, the longer the story is. Characters are added and names are given, even if you specifically tell them not to. The technology is unstable. It doesn’t reproduce exact replicas. So you are constantly fighting with it when you make changes, and as you are producing each chapter.
nearzeroblog.com
November 23, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Nuisance Roll – A free verse poem

Where is the treasure that needs protection? Is it hiding in plain sight like a well-placed lie? Maybe if I put a hand over one eye…
Nuisance Roll – A free verse poem
Where is the treasure that needs protection? Is it hiding in plain sight like a well-placed lie? Maybe if I put a hand over one eye…
nearzeroblog.com
November 22, 2025 at 1:30 PM
In the Belly of Michigan – A free verse poem

Your child's kidnapper Will be found in a trailer at the end of A two-track road in one of these bergs And will show up to court in a wheelchair Saying he was paying for caregiver services
In the Belly of Michigan – A free verse poem
Your child's kidnapper Will be found in a trailer at the end of A two-track road in one of these bergs And will show up to court in a wheelchair Saying he was paying for caregiver services
nearzeroblog.com
November 21, 2025 at 1:01 PM
The Doc At the Top of the Stairs

He’s the Doc with the office at the top of the stairs Damn ol’ grouch, he doesn’t even care If he’s the one who’s hobbling, infirm or lame To the cruel old stairs, we’re all the same
The Doc At the Top of the Stairs
He’s the Doc with the office at the top of the stairs Damn ol’ grouch, he doesn’t even care If he’s the one who’s hobbling, infirm or lame To the cruel old stairs, we’re all the same
nearzeroblog.com
November 19, 2025 at 12:28 PM
A Note on WordPress Comments

Blog comments are crucial for attracting readers on WordPress. When someone leaves a comment on your post, they are introducing you to the readers who like and comment on their posts. How you treat that commenter reflects on their readers.
A Note on WordPress Comments
Blog comments are crucial for attracting readers on WordPress. When someone leaves a comment on your post, they are introducing you to the readers who like and comment on their posts. How you treat that commenter reflects on their readers.
nearzeroblog.com
November 16, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Sunday Wears Makeup

Sunday wears makeup, Tacky and shining Like an eclipse Describing cleansing But deflecting Everyone’s hiding
Sunday Wears Makeup
Sunday wears makeup, Tacky and shining Like an eclipse Describing cleansing But deflecting Everyone’s hiding
nearzeroblog.com
November 16, 2025 at 6:06 PM
The Woman Who Gave Me the Finger

As I watch the birds A car pulls to the corner to linger A woman watching me watching the birds, In my line of vision
The Woman Who Gave Me the Finger
As I watch the birds A car pulls to the corner to linger A woman watching me watching the birds, In my line of vision
nearzeroblog.com
November 14, 2025 at 9:52 PM
We Withdraw As We Get Older

We withdraw as we get older Lucky to have survived exploitation, Not into Plato’s cave But into glass coffins with knobless doors Where we can see the world And not interact with it
We Withdraw As We Get Older
We withdraw as we get older Lucky to have survived exploitation, Not into Plato’s cave But into glass coffins with knobless doors Where we can see the world And not interact with it
nearzeroblog.com
November 13, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Who I Am When No One is Looking

A poem that shows we aren't any different when no one is paying attention. We are the same when no one is looking.
Who I Am When No One is Looking
A poem that shows we aren't any different when no one is paying attention. We are the same when no one is looking.
nearzeroblog.com
November 11, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Being Is Creating An I

Free verse poem about reason and its creation of I.
Being Is Creating An I
Free verse poem about reason and its creation of I.
nearzeroblog.com
November 10, 2025 at 2:05 PM
History

I was born brimming with curiosity. How we came to be here, along with all other Living things
History
I was born brimming with curiosity. How we came to be here, along with all other Living things
nearzeroblog.com
November 7, 2025 at 9:04 PM
The Fart Poem

An ode to Thomas Disch's book, Castle of Indolence, in which he states that laziness is a vice for bad poets.
The Fart Poem
An ode to Thomas Disch's book, Castle of Indolence, in which he states that laziness is a vice for bad poets.
nearzeroblog.com
November 7, 2025 at 1:23 PM