“As low as they’re going to get” is quite the tell

I am truly befuddled by how these people exist and have jobs, presumably with coworkers who don't spit in their faces

I feel this in my soul.

(“It’s FINE!” I insisted to myself, inexplicably tipping the woman who gave me an autumnal orange mullet in college)

(It took *years* to bring the party back around)

I am not accustomed to campaigns doing what I think they should be doing

I literally can’t handle this celebration of elder abuse

What the absolute fuck, @nytimes.com

“The secret to a happy life? Working until you die, however long it takes you”